The idea is interesting and you did a great job at conveying her pain, with some tiredness and hopelessness mixed in.  But I feel it needs more development.  I found the lyrics appropriate in some places and distracting in others.  I think I'm not positive but it seems like the end of Kagome and Inuyaha's relationship.  At first I thought your describing her running from Sesshoumaru and I wasn't sure if he'd physically abused her or what?  But then it seemed like you were describing Inuyasha's past not Sesshoumaru.  I feel like this piece needs a little bit of work. Develop the plot more and expand your characterization.  Putting the lyrics at the end might make for better flow.

Your good at description and your plot is intriguing, a story line definitely worth pursuing. 

I had a really hard time reading this because it was all center aligned and the song lyrics detracted from the tale itself. The body of the story had some spelling and grammar issues and was actually worth the read once you got around the flaws. I'd recommend the use of a beta and a rewrite, either removing the song completely or adding it to the end.

There are a few grammar/spelling issues such as 'hear instead of here', the allingment you picked, makes it harder to read and the lyrics really just take away from your story instead of adding to it.  I would suggest turning this into either a drabble or just a one-shot, without the lyrics.  But when you do use them, make sure you credit the person who had copyrights to the song in an AN. All and all, it's not a bad start and with a bit of work could be a pretty decent one-shot :).

This was a very deep and emotional fic, and fairly well written. However I would recommend totally removing the lyrics, or if you wish to keep them, moving them to the beginning or end of the fic. As you have them now they only inturrupt the flow, and are distracting from the termoil Kagome is expiriencing, which by the way you did a very good job of describing. Also you need to give the name and author of the song either at the beginning or the end of the fic and give them the proper credit. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, but I would avoid using the centralized formatting because it makes it harder to read. You did a very good job other than that, I wish you luck in all you future endevors:D

First off, anytime you do a songfic, you should list the name of the song and the artist, to give proper credit. The formatting of this fic made it very hard to read, I would suggest left justification and changing the spacing, it was confusing to see what was song lyrics and what was not. I have to admit, I was a little lost here...part of this seemed canon, and then part did not. Perhaps if you would expand on it a little more? Song lyrics often don't help the pacing of a story, so maybe see how it goes without them. Try to move stuff around, bounce some ideas off of a beta, who can also help you with the spelling and grammatical errors, and I think you will have something really good here, the emotions portrayed and some of the languaged used were really good.