i'm reading this story for the second time and i got the feeling this was one of your first fan fics. i liked it a lot and i am glad that Sesshoumaru and Kagome found each other in the end and cleared up all the misunderstandings. i like how both families were included in this story. you write in a way that draws a person into the story and those are the best to read. keep writing for the joy of it and you will get better and better at it. c'ya'
So, I haven't really started reading this, but I wanted to point something out. In your first paragraph you have nineteen references to a male. But you never specify which is which. Now, I can guess who the two men are, but the paragraph gets extremely confusing as to which male you are referencing. I can't tell which him you mean when you say :
He had been jealous of her time with him, terrified that he would eventually be cut out of her life completely and he could not stand it.
Do you see how many male pronouns you have in that sentence? And the pronouns are not referencing a single person, but two. I know you might want the paragraph to have some imbiguity, but as this is a Sess/Kag story and you mentioned the word brother, there is little doubt who these two men are. You might want to consider adding some names in places just to clarify which male you are talking about. It would make it easier for your readers to understand what is happening in the sentence. Or, if you don't want to use their names you could just use a descriptor such as hanyou or taiyoukai.
Anyways, I'm looking forward to reading your story, but I just wanted to tell you that while I was thinking of it.
I loved this story. Thanks
hey...this story was absolutly adorable...i really injoyed it and cant wait to read more of ur stories.... keep it up...luv yah :)
yay! I love it that Kag decided to take the opportunity to intern with her uncle on "the continent" (assume that means China, probably...). Sessh is being really impatient assuming that she should acknowledge "all he's done" to try and woo her back. After all, he essentially ignored her for 2 months (at least from Kag's perspective) and then he suddenly swoops back into her life and expects immediate recognition for saving her and sending her flowers. Sheesh.
Aww, Inuyasha so didn't deserve the scolding Izayoi gave him. I mean he basically had Kag's best interests at heart, and regardless Sessh deserved to be called out for the obnoxious behavior with the other girls. In my opinion, Izayoi is way too sympathetic to Sessh here. I hope you make Sessh suffer for a good while for what he did (even if he's "reformed" he still engaged in the behavior at some point). And hopefully Izayoi realizes she should be a bit more nice to her own kid - sounds like one of those situations where the stepmom is overcompensating trying to make the other child feel loved, but at the expense of taking into consideration her own child's feelings.
Also just wanted to say I'm glad you made this a story where Inu no Taisho didn't cheat on Sessh's mom with Izayoi and/or ditch Sessh's mom for Izayoi - I find both Izayoi and Inu no Taisho really difficult to take in those stories. Although you didn't go into detail you suggested that there were a lot of women in between Sessh's mom and Izayoi, so sounds like either Sessh's mom died or they broke up long before Izayoi came into the picture.
Well, I guess as they say, the path to true love is never whatever... Why do guys always have to say something to screw things up? Even Sess??? At least he made a nice save...
I'm so glad you didn't end the story when they got together. After all that suffering, they deserve a chance to be happy.
This is rapidly becoming an addiction. This is a really good fanfiction. I look forward to your updates all the time. I can't wait for the next update.
Wow, that was interesting. Inuyasha is such a horny dog!! Yeesh! You'd think he'd give it rest.
oohhh... lols
Aww... So thankful they can be together at last...
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