I am having alot of trouble with the dialogue in my story and got some very gentle advice from a very sweet dokugan that I needed to work on it. I've read the author's tutorial along with another link they sent me and I still feel like I've not fixed my problems. Would someone be willing to look it over for me. Unless you want to read the whole chapter, I can just send the original paragraph along with the revised version. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I'd be glad to help out.

Hello. If you still need a beat for help with your dialouge I can help.