Does anyone else have a Hojo? That one friend that just doesn't get you're not interested?

LOL! Omg I was talking to a guy friend today and just busted up because I realized he's my Hojo!

Not anymore, having been married for years and all. But back in high school I had a couple yeah hehe.

Haha yes. In fact, mine is a Japanese Hojo, and he is currently studying in Iowa. Will be coming over to Singapore to meet me before flying back to Japan in December! I always feel a little sad over the fact that I don't feel anything romantic for him...

I have a Hojo!

He works in the kitchen of the restaurant I work in, and is VERY nice, but like Miss Teak said...I feel sad that I don't feel anything romantic for him.

He's just a friend to me, and I don't think he could ever be anything more. I have tried telling him that I'm not interested that way, but he keeps on pursuing me!

Oh man Khayos...now I'm going to be playing the "Hojo music" in my head every time I see him!!! LOL!!!

I've never had a personal experience with a Hojo, but there was a guy that used to follow my friend and I around in high school. He had such a big crush and her and she knew. He was really sweet and always did as she asked...even if it was stupid. I felt really bad because she didn't like him back as more than a friend, and even though he knew that, he still did everything she asked.....

Guys who crushed on me didn't tell me until... well, until I got married. Then four of them crawled out of the woodwork. In their defense though, I was very unapproachable for a long time, and was known to be a violent girl.

My husband never crushed on me. He more or less laid it out as "I love you NAOW" and that was that.

I've never had a Hojo, but just a warning to everyone who might, if you don't like them, tell it to them simply, honestly and straight out. Don't beat around the bush about it. Because, though it doesn't happen all the time, a serious one-sided love can be dangerous.

Though I understand not wanting to hurt the person emotionally, it is better to be honest with them and give them a serious, not beating around the bush, answer. Than to give them false hope by just saying 'I don't know' or waving it off.

My old friend(who I am no longer friends with) Had a guy who liked her, a lot. She never gave him an answer, but she kept hanging out with him and ignoring his feelings or brushing them off. He got really obsessive and ended up killing himself when she didn't respond.

I also knew someone who got hurt herself, by the guy who had a one-sided deep love with her. He got mad when she finally told him she didn't like him that way, and said then she shouldn't have lead him on(though she really didn't, but because she didn't flat out reject him, he thought he still had a chance with her) He ended up hurting her really bad.

Not trying to be negative or anything, but if someone likes you, really likes you(as Hojo does to Kagome) don't take advantage of them, and don't beat around the bush. Though it may hurt them at first, honesty will save them a lot of pain from false hope.

I remember having two Hojo's during high school. One of them I went to prom with. Boy, was that sad. Don't get me wrong, we had fun. But I had know the guy since like third grade. And then when I got married, he sent me a drunk email about how much he loved me and missed me. I felt really bad for him, and the next day we laugh about the whole email. The good thing is, he is the only person I still talk to from high school. That is just how strong our friends ship is.

As for the other guy, I had to lay it out straight for him, and he never understood why I just didn't like him like that. And I told him, that I didn't love him. Simple as that. Only it was still hard to get it into his thick head. MEN!

Good point, PRVN, and one I can personally attest to... be upfront and honest with your 'Hojo,' or SOMEONE stands the chance of getting really hurt - physically. I tried to ignore mine, and I paid the price for that. Well, so did he since I filed charges, but that's a long, sordid story.

Moral? Let them down as easy as possible, but firmly as possible, and then watch your backside.

~~Wiccan~~

I dated my Hojo for 3 month's i knew after 1 month i had to break up with him but i thought to myself that wasn't fair, that maybe if i waited it out a bit longer it would be okay, I knew the moment he got me a Past, Present, Future necklace for Xmas and we had only been a couple for about 2 months that i had to end it then. @_@

Guh. I currently have a Hojo. We're not together, though he keeps bringing it up...

He's cute. He just has no clue what "No thanks, lets be pals instead," means. >.>

What does it mean that there are so many Hojo's out there?

Sp@ceMonkey wrote:

What does it mean that there are so many Hojo's out there?

It means we have to be more assertive!

We need to let the Hojos know that "I'm not interested" means "I'M NOT INTERESTED". Not "I'm not interested right now" or "I am just saying I'm not interested, but really I'm a silly little female that likes to play with your feelings, and really, I want you to pursue me..."

As someone with a Hojo, I know that sometimes, that STILL isn't even enough. Like Wiccan said... "Let them down as easy as possible, but firmly as possible, and then watch your backside."

I did. He was a really nice guy, and he pined for me for 4 years, but I never felt that way about him. It was difficult because I enjoyed being his friend, and try as I might, he just never stopped hoping that maybe I'd feel more for him, until I got married. I ended up marrying a Sesshomaru, personality wise. Now if only he had the ears, fangs, and hair lol

MoxyMikki wrote:
I did. He was a really nice guy, and he pined for me for 4 years, but I never felt that way about him. It was difficult because I enjoyed being his friend, and try as I might, he just never stopped hoping that maybe I'd feel more for him, until I got married. I ended up marrying a Sesshomaru, personality wise. Now if only he had the ears, fangs, and hair lol

This! lol I consider my BF my Sessh haha. We could always buy hair dye and try to convince them to grow it out...

I wonder how disturbed they be if they woke up with strips on their face

I'm dealing with a Hojo character right now. He's really sweet and horribly misunderstood. I felt bad after my friend just told him she hated him and to never talk to her again. So I tried a less mean approach and now he's latched onto like a life raft. He always complementing me and saying he likes me. I told him flat out that I'm not interested, but I don't mind being friends. But he still calls me randomly and sends me creepy awkward message and, get this, He asks medical questions XD!! (I took a few years of vocational health classes). He's emotionally unstable and I really don't want to hurt him, but I want to get my point across that I'm not into him in a romantic way without him going all self-destructive. Any tips?

No tips really but stay safe. Sounds like he's stalker material. And don't blame yourself for anything that happens. We can only control ourselves!

Sakuramaru wrote:
Sp@ceMonkey wrote:

What does it mean that there are so many Hojo's out there?

It means we have to be more assertive!

We need to let the Hojos know that "I'm not interested" means "I'M NOT INTERESTED". Not "I'm not interested right now" or "I am just saying I'm not interested, but really I'm a silly little female that likes to play with your feelings, and really, I want you to pursue me..."

As someone with a Hojo, I know that sometimes, that STILL isn't even enough. Like Wiccan said... "Let them down as easy as possible, but firmly as possible, and then watch your backside."

It's true! It also probably means that Dokugaians are naturally more lovely than our other-site counterparts. They just can't give us up!!

Lol-- but in all seriousness, I feel a bit sorry for these guys; you never have any choice but to hurt their feelings. or live a lie. Love is indeed fickle.

@Inkasha Taisho- Honestly, right now you pitying him will end up hurting him more. Do not let him become emotionally attached to you, also do not let him become dependent on you. For now, sit down with him(in a public place, like a cafe or something of the sort) and tell him 'I appreciate your feelings for me, however I do not return them and will not return them anytime in the future' If he seems to understand this, you can tell him that you will be friends with him, but will call off the friendship if he continues his current behavior. Also, do not, aside from this, be alone with him. Always have another person with you, make that person aware of your situation so they will know to watch his behavior. But again, do not spend any time alone with him. For in his mind, that can mean that you are saying you are completely comfortable with him, which means he will have a chance with you romantically in the future. Don't talk to him as often as you are now, and slowly put distance between the two of you so he loses some of that dependence he has on you. Let him now he is a good guy, but not the right guy for you, that he is strong and can make it without you. But basically, do not show him any pity right now, say you will be there for him if he needs to talk but that you will not be his only support.

Oh goodness. So start distance myself. Should I block on my facebook or anything? Because he has my cell and facebook. We've kept it strictly visual. I've never felt comfortable enough to meet in person again, but he's been through all my pictures online so he know what I look and I know what he looks like. That what makes it so unreasonable. I've only ever met him once. And that was with my friend there because she wanted to see me at her graduation. Didn't say a word to him. It's very unnerving, but I will definitely take this to heart. Thank you guys so much for the advice.