Light and Dark by angel

KAGOME

The characters of Inuyasha are in no way mine and no amount of wishing will make that happen. They all belong to Rumiko Takahashi (?) and I can only dream and drool about them. Reviews are noce and very much appreciated.

“Darkness” …. It was everywhere. All I could see are the parts of my body, as if I am surrounded by an infinite black.

The quiet that seems to echo in my ears.

Hiding the sound of my tears as I shed them.

☪

It was always the same. The dream that seems to encompass me, like a preferred bed partner whenever I go to bed. Sometimes I find myself just stopping, like my body automatically freezes in time. Or is it my surroundings that freeze and I just remain unaware? The road to school, the road to the supermarket and all the roads leading to set destinations. It all seems monotonous.

I was supposed to be home 20 minutes ago but I just can’t seem to make my feet move to take a step. The 18th birthday, the 13th hour. The time when I finish my last year. I was alone inside my mother this time, 18 years ago. 5 minutes more and I would have been surrounded by arms who would cradle me and make the loneliness fade. It seems like the loneliness keeps on growing and growing, as if it’s main goal is to eat me alive and cover me in darkness. It always made me feel like I did not fit. With my brownish black hair and pale amber eyes, it seemed like I was a conundrum thrown into the stillness of present day Amagikawa in a far off province of Japan.

Suddenly my feet started to move, one by one it took a step towards my house. Shuffling, walking then running. My heart was pounding, like something was pulling me. I’m not sure if I was running towards something or running from someone but the pull was extraordinarily strong. I found myself stopping in front of our gate.

“Too quiet”, was what came to my mind.

Coming from a home that included 2 boisterous males who were always fighting for whatever reasons and 2 parents who were always lovey-dovey and never stayed still, it was never this quiet.

Shin’ichi, my eldest brother, would have been out of the house looking for me if I ever came home later than what I said. Shouta, the middle one, would have been running towards the other direction with the same objective in mind. Mother and Father would have been sitting on the dinning table having a cup of tea and smiling over their antics.

I was never like them, which made me feel more awkward than I already did, they were always like the speakers that I hear at school. Blasting over one topic or the other, trying to get your attention. Their voices always came like muted sounds to my ears, like there was an invisible wall separating the few inches that was between us whenever we were together.

Their voices trying to reach me. Through the wall that was slowly thickening around me, swallowing up the voiceless cry that was emitting from the deepest part of my being.

I took a step toward the gate and pushed at it, testing the give, making sure that it was closed as it was supposed to be.

It swung on first contact. It was never unlocked.

That was one thing that my parents always reminded us about.

“Never leave the gate unlocked nor the doors and windows, you never know what the darkness might bring inside”

My mothers words, rang through my head as I took my first few steps towards the house. The only place that used to be able to take some of the chill off my bones now seemed colder than the feeling I had inside of me. I cautiously went towards the door, it was left ajar and there was no light coming from inside.

“Shichi? … Shou-i?” I called out my brothers’ old childhood names, I only used those names whenever the darkness became too much for me.

No response.

I was starting to get a bit unnerved, nothing was as it should be. Everything was all wrong. It felt like the cage that used to surround me from afar was closing in on me and cutting off my light.

It wasn’t until I pushed the door fully open that I felt that small space keeping the cage open for me, shut with a resounding thud through my ears.

I remembered all the warmth that my family was trying to impart towards me. The smiles and the laughter, the hugs and the memories of being safe were all flashing through my mind. I could hear their voices as for once, the wall muffling the sounds around me, let the sounds of heartbreak go through.