Sesshomaru vs. the Care Bears by Danyealle-sama

Sesshomaru vs. the Care Bears

Sesshomaru vs. the Care Bears

By Danyealle

(fanfiction/nosex/crackfic)

I don’t own anything when it comes to either the Care Bears or Inuyasha.  Nor am I making any kind of money from writing this fiction (like someone would pay me for this anyway?).  Though I am making Sesshomaru hate me more and more…. I am so dead for this!

A.N.-I blame my cats for this and MontiK for encouraging me. Not meant to be taken seriously in any way, shape or form.

Poking the nasty looking pink creature with the toe of his boot, Sesshomaru was disgusted by its cuteness.  Kagome had given the thing to Rin as a present.  She had brought it back from her time and called it a Care Bear.  What in the hell was a Care Bear anyway?  The best he could figure out, from the stories the miko had told his young ward, they were some kind of supernatural being that spread love and caring.  Disgusting!  They apparently did it by using the symbol on their stomachs, each one had a different one, as some kind of weapon.  His mind boggled at the thought of it.  Nor could he quite fathom how this was done.  That added to the wrongness of the whole thing.  Cute and spread love?  Yuck!

Grabbing the stuffed creature off the ground, holding it out in front of him with two fingers, he walked over to Rin and gave it to her.  Somehow or other she had become attached to the stupid stuffed animal and would have been reduced to tears if it came up missing.  If that weren’t the case, he would have disposed of the sickeningly cute thing long ago.

Settling down against a convenient tree trunk, the mighty taiyoukai relaxed against it and scanned the camp.  Jaken was cleaning up and disposing of the remains of their meal.  Rin was over by Ah-Un, sitting on her bedroll, playing out some imaginary game with the pink stuffed thing and a few of her other toys that the miko had provided for her.  It was almost totally dark now so it was close to the time she was going to lay down for the night thus she was entertaining herself with some kind of quiet game as she wound down.  Giving an internal nod of approval that all was as it should be, he shut his eyes and started to focus more on his internal thoughts rather than paying attention.

~@~

Something jerked him awake.  Not sure what it was, he immediately scanned the area for any threats that may be headed their way but found nothing.  Slowly, he opened his eyes and looked around the camp.  From what he saw, everything was as it should be.  Jaken was curled up by the fire, snoring softly.  Rin was in her bedroll by Ah-Uh, who was curled around her sleeping, emitting soft, uneven snorts as he breathed.  Nothing out of place from what he could tell.  Sighing softly, he shifted around a bit but, as he moved, he felt something on his leg.  Glancing down, one elegant eyebrow arched as he saw that annoying pink toy attached to his ankle as though it were hugging it.  Not sure how it got there, he reached down to extract it from his leg and toss it back over to where Rin was sleeping. Grabbing onto the scruff of its pink neck, he tugged but it wouldn’t come loose.  Tugging harder, he began to snarl softly.  It felt as though the accursed thing was holding onto him and wouldn’t come loose.  Still it clung there.  Alright, it was time to stop treating it gently.  Digging his claws into the fake fur on the thing, he gave a good, hard yank.  Nothing.  Still it was all but attached to his leg.  Snarling and growling softly, he shot it a look that should have melted it then decided that he was going to have to go about this another way.  Hand turning green, he was about to melt the parasitic-like stuffed thing.  He would just deal with Rin in the morning.

Just as he was about to unleash green hell on the stupid thing he felt it start to shift around.  Eyes widening, other eyebrow meeting the one already plastered in his hairline, he stared down at it. 

The stuffed thing lifted its head and looked at him.  That sewed on smile that was under its short muzzle seemed to grow and it said, “I love you Sesshomaru!” 

Quite frankly, he was horrified!  It loved him?  No way!  This was not happening.  Shutting his eyes, he shook his head.  He thought, perhaps, this was just a dream of some kind or a nightmare caused by the rancid demon that he had ingested earlier in the day.  When he opened them again, it was still there and still smiling.  Though, now, it sounded like it was giggling!  That sound made chills dance down his spine and his skin feel as though it were crawling off his bones. 

Clinging tightly to the taiyoukai’s leg, the Care Bear, Cheer Bear by name, moved up his leg.  If there were ever a being in the world that needed some hugs and love it was Sesshomaru.  She was just the bear to give it to him too!  Slowly, despite the inuyoukai’s attempts to yank her off, she crawled up until he reached his torso.  Then she wrapped her stuffed, stubby arms around the inu’s waist and held on tightly, giving a much needed but unwanted hug.  “You are special Sesshomaru and I love you!”

Standing up, Sesshomaru was horrified.  Shock evident on his usually placid face, he grabbed hold of the parasitic bear with both hands and yanked, trying to get it off of him.  Panic starting to overtake him when it wouldn’t come loose, he started to dance around, yanking on the creature.  Still it clung to him.  Dropping to the ground, he began to roll around in the dirt, yanking on the thing trying to get it to dislodge.  But to no avail, it clung tightly.  Hearing Jaken starting to stir, a look of pure horror crossed the taiyoukai’s features.  There was no way he wanted to be seen by anyone in this predicament!  Standing up, he rushed off into the woods.

Quickly, he found a small clearing in the trees and stopped, then resumed his battle with the leech-like thing that insisted on still hugging him.  Unleashing his poison on the creature, he was certain that melting it would dislodge the thing and he would be out of this nightmare. 

Sensing that the mighty demon lord was trying to get rid of it, Cheer Bear sighed.  This wasn’t going as well as she had thought it would.  Usually all she needed was that hug and beings of all kinds melted and returned it.  Sesshomaru was made of sterner stuff apparently.  Shutting her eyes, she focused and the rainbow on her stomach began to glow, putting a protective barrier on herself.  While doing that, the green poison being deflected by her rainbow shield, she called for reinforcements. 

Smirking, proud of himself, Sesshomaru looked down expecting to see a big pile of melted fur and stuffing falling to the ground.  But that wasn’t what happened.  Instead, the stupid, horrific thing still clung to him, wholly intact.  Horrified, all he could do was look at the creature.  He didn’t know what this thing was but it was more resilient than Naraku!  At this point, he was beginning to freak out and panic a bit.  Now what should he do?  If he could just get it off him then he would use the Dragon Strike on it and it would trouble him no more.

Feeling her friends nearby, Cheer Bear let loose and dropped to the ground.  This was going to be harder than she thought.  Backing away, she clasped her little paws behind her back and looked up at the mighty daiyoukai, still smiling.  “I still love you Sesshomaru!”  She chirped happily.

Finally, he was freaked.  Snarling at the little pink, freakish thing, he bared his fangs.  Oh it was time for it to die!  Unsheathing Tokijin, he was ready to unleash devastation in the form of the Dragon Strike on it. He was certain that it would end the reign of terror this little nightmare had perpetrated on his person.  Holding it out in front of him, the blue light dancing along the blade, he was about to unleash it when he sensed something.  Cocking his head side to side, sniffing the air, he tried to determine what was coming his way but couldn’t.  The only thing he could sense was there were a lot of them.  Deciding to ignore that for now, figuring that he would deal with whatever it was after he annihilated this pink menace from the lowest level of hell, he focused back on the little fuzzy cute demonic beast. 

Smirking again, he was about to unleash his fury on it when he halted, eyes growing wider and his mouth forming the word ‘no’ as his eyes widened in horror.  Emerging from the trees all around him were at least a dozen more of the horrific things in all different colors with happy, cheerful symbols on their white fuzzy tummies.  This was not happening!  It couldn’t be!  There could not be more of them! Whining in fright, that was a first in his long life and he never wanted to feel it again, he unleashed the Dragon Strike, fully intending for it to wipe out all of them before they could do anything to his person.

Once the strike ran its course, he lowered the weapon and gazed around at the destruction that it had wroth.  He was pleased to see all that seemed to be left of the furry menace was little piles of charred fur and fluff.  Smirking, he sheathed his weapon, pleased with himself.  Arms folded over his chest, he tilted his head up and sniffed arrogantly.  Teach them to mess with the great and powerful Western Lord.  After another quick look around, satisfied that his work was done, he was about to head back to camp when he saw a small pile of what used to be pink fur twitch.  Stopping cold, his eyes widened in horror as he watched the thing suddenly pop into the shape of the original molester bear.  “No!” he whispered, voice hoarse. 

Around him, all the pieces of the bears suddenly formed into full bears once more.  Only this time there were more of them.  For each piece that was lying around, a bear formed from it.  Whining in fear, he decided that his best option at this point was flight.  To hell with anything else, he needed to get out of there, fast!  Just as he started to run, he heard a chorus of voices calling to him.  “Sesshomaru!  We love you!  You just need a good hug!”  Oh HELL no!  He was so outta there!

But he didn’t make it to the treeline when he was suddenly dog piled by what felt like hundreds of the small, fluffy nightmares.  Tripping over an exposed tree root, he fell and suddenly he was covered by them, all intent on hugging him.  Howling in horror and fear, he struggled to get away from the clinging grasping paws.

~@~

With a strangled scream, Sesshomaru sat bolt upright, panting heavily, eyes all but bugging out of his head.

“Are you alright Sesshomaru,” Kagome asked softly, slipping an arm around her mate’s waist.  She had been asleep in the sleeping bag they shared when his thrashing around woke her.

Looking at his mate, eyes all but bugging out from terror, he panted heavily.  When it dawned on him it was just a nightmare, he pulled her into a tight hug, panting heavily.

Holding him, she giggled a bit as she rubbed his back.  “I told you not to eat all those chocolate bars!  They give you nightmares, you know that.”

Nodding, he said nothing, just thankful it was all a bad dream.