The Pillow Book by MissTeak

The Pillow Book

I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters.

A/N: This is simply a one shot which I felt like writing, and I hope you enjoy it. I am not going to reveal too much about the story and risk ruining the reading experience for you, so just read it for yourself and tell me how you feel.

The Pillow Book

Keicho 5, 15th day of the 9th month.

The battle of Sekigahara has officially begun. The Tokugawa clan, along with its allies, has an army of 88,888 men. Even the numbers bode well, and I pray victory would be on our side. All I know is how Ieyasu will be leading his allies to Sekigahara along the Tokaido, while Hidetada will be meeting him there via the Nakasendo.

They told me he was going to be participating in the battle, and even though I already guessed as much, I was nonetheless unable to come to terms with the news. But who was I trying to deceive? He is a daimyo, and part of the eastern clans. He holds the family name of Matsudaira, which puts him in a position above all the other daimyo. He is not merely another warrior; he is related to the Tokugawa clan by blood lineage. This fact is enough to justify his compulsory presence on the bloody battlefields.

I am worried; I am so worried, I can barely eat. My dinner was left untouched, yet I had to force a smile on my face to assuage the worries of those around me. From their facial expressions, I know they were aware of my worries.

It is just that they have no idea who I am worried for.

It is going to be another long sleepless night.

Keicho 5, 20th day of the 9th month.

Keicho 5, 24th day of the 9th month.

Today is the twelfth day after the Tenka Wakeme no Tatakai (Great Battle of Realm Divide), which is also known as the Battle of Sekigahara. Finally, I found myself able to fall asleep at night; the worries which were killing my heart have disappeared.

We got the news; the Western forces have disintegrated. The Tokugawa clan has achieved an overwhelming victory.

His name was not on the casualty list.

I heaved a sigh of relief, but still, I knew there was the possibility that he might have perished. Maybe his body was just not found.

I am nothing but a mere, ignorant woman, but I know the significance and the dangers of battle. The Tokugawa clan’s unrivaled power and standing faced only one obstacle, and that was the ambitious Ishida Force. Betrayers like Uesugi Kagekatsu, Mori Terumoto and Maeda Toshimasa should never be tolerated. They are ignorant; they have no idea how powerful Tokugawa Ieyasu is. He is a man not to be trifled with, and even when he is in his kindest moods, one should never take him lightly. He is careful and bold, calculating and subtle, kind and ruthless.

Ishida Mitsunari, a daimyo and leader of the opposing alliance, was executed today.

I entertained a strange thought. Execution is not scary in the least, and I actually felt happy for Ishida Mitsunari. He died for his beliefs, and that is a very worthy death.

With the Ishida clan wiped out, the power would lie in clan leader Tokugawa Ieyasu’s hands, and never will there be another who would threaten his authority. No longer will there be attempts to overthrow or assassinate him, and the vast lands will be ruled by the Maruni Mitsu Aoi crest of the Tokugawa clan. Commander Tokugawa will definitely become the Shogun of Japan one day; I am sure of it.

He will unify Japan, and everyone will lead a good life.

Hopefully, I would have a good life too.

Keicho 5, 9th day of the 10th month.

It is getting colder day by day, and I long for the day of our reunion.

Waiting is painful. It kills me, and I feel myself dying bit by bit, just like the dead leaves which are falling one by one from the dry branches. His warmth and his tenderness are the only things that can save me from certain death.

‘Where are you?’ I whisper this question to nothingness countless of times a day, hoping the North winds could help carry my message to him. I wonder if he is thinking of me as I am thinking of him.

Today, I overheard how the Toyotomi clan’s reputation and the number of loyalists have decreased drastically. That came as no surprise to me. It was a good thing, from my perspective, because it means his power and status would be elevated. The Toyotomi clan will be subordinate to the Tokugawa clan; such are the inevitable workings of Fate’s hands.

There is a heavy silence in the winds, and I have no idea if it’s because I am going crazy. The battle of Sekigahara took place far away from Kyoto, but still, I thought I could hear his voice and see his face. Now that it is over, everything is silent.

I don’t know where he is, and I hate having to pretend I am happy the battle is over. No one knows how a part of me is still bleeding.

Keicho 5, 14th day of the 10th month.

Finally, my prayers have been answered.

Today, he finally came back to me. I have never been happier. I was secretly waiting for him in our usual meeting place – one of the private rooms in the backyard of the monastery where we first got to know each other.

He was unharmed except for superficial cuts, and his wounds were almost fully healed. I could not believe my eyes when I finally got to see him for myself; I missed every part of him. His majestic silver hair, sunshine eyes, ethereal features…everything about him could set my heart and soul on fire.

My body was crying and yearning for him so badly, and I could not hold the longing cry for him back when his hands tenderly pushed my kimono off my shoulder. His lips, hungry and eager just like mine were, assaulted my lips and breasts. He stirred up so many emotions within me like no other man ever can. It was not before long when we were bereft of clothing and coupling eagerly, ferociously…

I called his name in passion as he filled me to the hilt with himself again and again…

I adore him, I love him and I cannot imagine living without him. Sesshoumaru of the Matsudaira clan, Fukui Domain. He is a shinpan daimyo, blood relative to the Tokugawas.

He is a man I can die for with no regrets, and continue to love for eternity in the underworld.

But we can never be together, as much as we are genuinely in love, for…

…I am Tokugawa Ieyasu’s woman.

I curse this destiny of mine, but I will always be one of his nineteen wives and concubines…

The words were blurred when a drop of moisture fell onto the paper.

“Kagome…why are you so silly?” The man whispered in a broken voice, holding the elegantly-bound pillow book to his chest. It still smelled familiar of her favorite peony fragrance, and now, the pillow book and her silk handkerchief was all he had to remember her by.

Their relationship had been discovered by none other than the Great Shogun Tokugawa Ieyasu himself, and while Sesshoumaru had been exiled to the far North and spared from death because of his bloodline, Kagome had not been so lucky. Her pillow book had been confiscated and read, word by word, by the Shogun himself. Their underground relationship, her personal thoughts, her fears and worries, her misery, random bits of poetry…everything, was exposed. She had even written the sweet nothings he had told her down, so as never to forget them.

Tokugawa Ieyasu had lived up to his reputation of being ruthless to those who betrayed his trust.

Kagome had been executed on the spot, beheaded right in front of Tokugawa Ieyasu and Sesshoumaru himself. But she had not shown a trace of fear as she was pushed onto her knees, and remained composed even when the katana’s blade swung down in a fatal, silver arc to descend upon her exposed nape.

She had not been sad, and neither had she been afraid, because she knew he would join her soon. He would never leave her alone.

“Wait for me, Kagome…” He whispered again, laying a teary kiss on the cover of her pillow book. “I am coming…”

The next morning, the chief retainer of the former daimyo of the Matsudaira clan received the shock of his life when he saw his fallen master collapsed on the blood-drenched tatami with a tanto protruding from his disemboweled abdomen. He had committed seppuku, the ritualistic suicide performed by members of samurai descent. And in his hand, still tightly clutched, was a pillow book which smelled both of metallic blood and peony fragrance…

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The End.

A/N: Did you guys like the tragic twist? I have no idea what prompted me to write something so dark and sad, but still, I’d love to hear what you think about it.