Feels like Insomnia by Reema

Feels like Insomnia

Feels like Insomnia

flashbacks.

the song

I never thought that I'd fall in love …

But it was true, she had fallen in love with him. Despite the odds and his emotionless treatments. And what other though of him.

It had all started that day when she came back from the village nearby to be greeted by a very weary mother and an irritated father. Instantly she had known that something was the matter.

She came back home after a tiring trip with her too hyper friend, Sango. She was her only exit of her stressing life and society status.

She looked up at the faces of her beloved parents, instantly knowing  that something was wrong.

"What troubles you?", she asked in her most concerned tone.

Her mother glanced at her father in a gesture to try to lend some strength and comfort from him. Then she proceeded in what she was about to deliver.

"Sweetheart, come sit her beside me," her mother said in careful tone. Instantly Kagome knew that something was indeed wrong.

"What's wrong, mother?" she asked again.

"You do know that our race is having problems with the youkai species," her mother started. "Our land may fall victim to it all".

At this Kagome gasped. Her father and mother ruled over some human villages in the far east of Japan. Although it was nothing when compared to the youkai lands, they were happy and content with it, it almost meant everything to them. And for them to speak about it with her, meant immediate danger.

"What happened to our land, father?" she looked at her father trying to search for answers. But she failed, he schooled his features, there was no way for her to foresee, she was highly alarmed.

"Calm down, sweetheart, let me proceed", her mother instructed as she laid a hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Kagome calmed down a bit to let her mother continue.

"As you see, we have an alliance with the Inu youkais ruling the west of Japan. We have contacted them during the previous days" her mother paused in a dramatic way. "They had agreed to help us in protecting our land, with a condition of their own". She looked at Kagome, seeing if she digested what she had just said.

"What's their condition?" Kagome asked excitedly, eagerly  her parents had a way to save their precious land! It was really good news.

"Well, Sweetheart, they heard rumors on how much you are powerful and your incomparable beauty," her mother began hesitantly.

Kagome had a feeling on where this was going, she daren’t think of it yet, she needed to be confirmed before chastising her parents for considering such possibilities.

"They requested your hand in mating their eldest pup, Sesshoumaru" her mother finished cautiously, she stole a glance at her daughter to find her frozen in her seat with a blank expression on her face, which didn’t mean anything good.

She could not believe it, her mother and father were basically selling her off to save their land. It was a marriage of convenience, she knew it. But she waited a little longer. This must be an illusion of some kind, some time now, they would hug her and tell her they were merely jesting and they would lose the world than lose her.

But as she waited and looked at the faces of her parents, she knew they weren’t. they were dead serious. She feared what would happen to her, she knew that she wasn’t her parents' favorite but this was beyond all mercy.

She heard rumors herself, about how awful Sesshoumaru was. He was known of how honorable, terrible he was. How he hated humans with passion, how he showed no emotions to anyone, he was an emotionless block of ice. The heir to the Western lands. He was feared by all. No one ever harmed him –in anyway and got alive with it.

She feared for herself and her safety, she looked again at the faces of her parents, contemplating her options and deciding for the last time if her parents were serious or not.

It seemed that they were.

"H-how c-co-could you?", she stuttered as the first wave of tears started to fall. She looked horrified at her mother and father.

She almost laughed at her silliness of her wayward of thinking and her reaction back then. When she thought about it now, it must be the best decision her parents had ever made for her, she was forever grateful to them for introducing her to Sesshoumaru.

She loved him beyond anyone could ever comprehend.

If she knew that she would fall this hard for him now, she would never have believed it back then. But she did. She loved him so much. Beyond belief.

As she thought about him and his whereabouts, a pang of  sadness washed over her. along with worry.

She missed him so much.

She cried for some time then decided that it was enough with the worry and craving. She thought back to her first days with Sesshoumaru and how they came to meet.

She smiled at the memory.

After some days of trying to talk herself out of this mating, she came up with nothing as a result. Her parents seemed very unwavering about their decision and would do anything to keep it going. So she tried no more. She also came with a decision of her own, she would treat her parents the way they deserved it all along. Respect with nothing more. Not even love.

She cut her trail of thinking as her carriage came to a halt. She looked out the window to find themselves standing in front of a marvelous stoned palace.

She inhaled sharply at the view of it, she was alone in this ride with no one but her guards. She insisted on not taking her parents along. She didn’t want any more stress to add on her dish.

She noticed figures standing in front of the great palace, she assumed they were the inhabitants of it.

As they neared, she noticed three Inu youkai.

 one was wearing silken navy kimono and had silvery long hair, he tied it in  a high ponytail, he had a navy stripe on each of his cheeks and a maroon crescent moon on his forehead. Another had similar features but with differences. He was wearing white silken kimono with some decorations embedded on it, he had the same long shiny silvery hair but instead of tying it back, he had it flowing behind him, he also had two stripes on each of his cheeks instead of one like the former youkai. She assumed that they were both full blooded youkai from the looks of them. The last one was an outstanding one, he didn’t have any markings on his face, but he had the same silvery long hair, he was wearing red all over. What caught her attention was the dog ears atop his head. 'how cute!' she thought.

After being done from observing them. The carriage stopped in front of them with some distance apart. One of the guards opened her door for her. she stepped out.

She landed her feet on the ground, she then stepped away from the carriage. This of course caused her to get close looks on her 'new family'.

The first one with the high ponytail smiled warmly at her, he extended his hand for her to shake. From his friendly tactics, she figured he was the current lord.

She took his hand shyly and shook it, but got out an 'eep' when he pulled her into a tight hug. That was very odd.

"Oh, welcome home, my sweetest, I am Lord Toga, your father", he introduced himself with a slight laugh at the end.  

"Hello, I am Kagome", she managed to get out awkwardly.

When she got free from him she looked at the other two, one had a blank expression on his face. And the other had a curious expression on his. She instantly assumed the cold one to be her intended.

"You must be Sesshoumaru-sama", she guessed as she smiled at him. He nodded curtly.

He was looking at her with indifference, sizing her up and down. She felt very self-conscious under his heated gaze, but then she did what her mind supplied her with to do.

She offered her hand for him to shake, she smiled brightly at him. Their eyes met and She stared deeply into his eyes, she gasped lightly, she might get lost in them if she stared any longer.

He looked at her hand then and did the unexpected.

He shook her hand, but of course with a blank expression.  

She smiled at that, she got very brave back then to do that. She blushed at the memory of staring into his eyes. How she loved those golden pools of his.

She shivered in pure content and bliss as she remembered their first nights together.

They had just finished dining and all were on their way to their private chambers. It had been a week since she arrived, and all her days and nights were spent accompanied. It was either Sesshoumaru or his sire. Though she didn’t spend that much time with InuYasha.

She and Sesshoumaru arrived at their bed chambers, it was a cold night, and the massive chamber didn’t help to warm it up a bit at all. She went behind a screen and changed into her light yukata. When she was done, she stepped back from the screen to find Sesshoumaru already lying on bed in his own yukata.

She was a bit nervous and uneasy, since she had gotten here, Sesshoumaru would come here during the night and make little talks with her, he would always sit by the chair beside the bed, he always seemed reluctant to be there. But tonight he seemed content and lying on their futon, for the first time.

During this week, she had actually started to like him and feel attracted to him. but she knew he wasn’t returning the same feelings, he was only interested in the pure blooded youkai she would produce as his offspring, because she was the former guardian of the Shikon Jewel, she was bestowed with extraordinary powers, one of those powers,  was producing full blooded youkai with miko powers, should she mate with a youkai.

She went to the futon and sat at the edge of it, he was looking at her with a warm light in his intense gaze, it made butterflies and knots go wild in her stomach with his heated stare. It was very melting!.

He raised himself to sit and make room for her to sit beside him, she gained enough courage and sat beside him happily.

They talked for some time, but as the night grew colder she couldn’t help but shiver at the coldness of the night. And so Sesshoumaru did the most wonderful thing she could ever ask for in her entire life.

He hugged her to himself and lent her some of his warmth. This of course was unexpected but she accepted it with every meaning of happiness.

She smiled at that memory, it was one of her best nights ever. She loved it very much .And the feelings of it still had effects.

She recalled all her nights with him, for the next weeks or so, they would do the same, talk sweetly during the night, getting to know each other, though it was mostly her doing the talking and him listening. she didn’t mind it as long as she woke up the next morning in his arms. It was the best feeling she ever experienced, waking up in his arms. But what beat that was when she got her first kiss from him, it was utterly glorious.

It was just like any other night, but instead of going to the chambers, Sesshoumaru had led her to the gardens, it was cold, and so she leaned into him unconsciously and clutched his arm lightly. This did not go unnoticed by Sesshoumaru, he wrapped both of his arms around her and his tail as well.

That night, she told him of how her brother Souta had died, and how it effected her so much. But she did not allow herself to cry and ruin the sweet moment between her and Sesshoumaru.

After that, she told him about her best friend, Sango who helped her so much.

She had a very good night and was ready to retire, when she stood up and dusted off here kimono, she caught Sesshoumaru's gaze and gasped at the intensity of his eyes. She held his gaze for a bit, then she noticed that his head was leaning and that he was closing the distance between them.

He kissed her fully on the lips.

It wasn’t deep or too passionate, just a quick peck on the lips. It was all she needed to lose control of her legs. She was going to collapse but he held her waist with his arm. She held his shoulders till the end of the kiss.

After they broke from the kiss, Sesshoumaru noticed the pretty shade of pink on her cheeks, she looked very beautiful when she blushed.

She sighed then when she remembered that moment. It took her by surprise, but she responded to it nonetheless once she recovered from her shock.  

She thought back to the nights after that, he would deepen the kiss occasionally.  

She then laughed lightly to herself at the memory of his shocked expression, when he first kissed her, she nearly collapsed, when he kissed her the night after, she jumped on him and deepened the kiss. He was mystified by her actions. It was written all over his face.

(A/N: took this part from Twilight)

Despite what all said and predicted, they seemed to get along perfectly, she loved the way he made her blush, the way he made her knees buckle from under her and nearly collapse.

She loved him dearly with all of her being, she was in love with him.

She thought of her first intimate night with him, he was very gentle and smooth, it was a bit hard to believe that one could hold this gentleness inside of his being. It was amazing, she loved it and all the nights after.

But then, she remembered going to one of the villages nearby to shop for some personal supplies and get a change from the castle, it was needed, or so lord Toga had claimed.

She was walking through the shops of the village. Looking at all kinds and types of kimonos and choosing some for her and some for her beloved mate. She was having the fun of her life. Until she heard some of the villagers not far from her, whispering and talking about her, she didn’t mean to eavesdrop on them but she couldn’t help but listen to what was said.

"It is she!" one exclaimed quietly as he pointed at her side, she could see it.

"It must be her, look at the crescent-moon necklace she is wearing, it is the symbol of the Royal Western Rulers". Another explained as she looked at Kagome and bore holes in her side.

"I still cant get why would Sesshoumaru-sama take a human woman as his mate, and a miko at that!", one of them wondered out loud.

"I heard that she can produce full-blooded youkai with extraordinary powers, hmmm… that must be the reason, you know how he thirsts for power". One of them concluded a bit harshly.

That was all Kagome could ever hear, she straightened her back and blocked the sounds of their wonders and chatters, she paid the old man and left to the castle with a new realization.

It was true, this was only a marriage/mating of convenience, it had advantages to both side, ensure the safety of her parents' land and have a powerful heir to the western lands.

She entered the castle with a disturbed mood, instantly, Sesshoumaru noticed that and was by her side.

"What troubles you? Has something disturbing occurred?", he asked in a rush, unable to hide his worry for his mate.

She brushed him off and put on her best smile, they went to complete their daily business, they then shared a passionate night. Letting her forget some of her worries. But not erasing them all.

She remembered that day too well. It was one of the few not-so-happy days with Sesshoumaru. But when she thought more about it, it may all be true, after all, she was like an object, all people treated her that way.

She pushed those doubts away, it was selfish to think so of her beloved mate when he was out at war fighting for almost months. She missed him dearly. And she was counting the days when he would come back to her, no messenger or letters had been sent since the first week. She was starting to worry, she asked Lord Toga and he was just as clueless as she was.

That did not help one bit. She was having serious problems. If she ever heard of him being d…  she could not even bring herself to finish this sentence, whatever happened to him, she would end her life if she was confirmed.

She thought of their happy moments, the ones when they only spent the day together, when she had the times of her life, she laughed so much with him, she didn’t need to pretend to impress him, she just acted herself and so did he.

He would sometimes let his cold façade slip and smile to her. only to her. she cherished those moments more than anyone could ever think possible.

She got up from her futon and entered the indoor hot spring, she saw her reflection in the mirror, she couldn’t care less. She had black circles around her eyes from the lack of sleep. Though she didn’t care. Her face looked paler from the lack of food.

It was amazing enough that she ate at all, if it weren't for Lord Toga she would have died out of lack of food.

She let loose a sob as she remembered the cause of her distress, she missed her mate so much.

"Will you come back?" she asked hopefully as she looked at him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Of course this Sesshoumaru would come back", he reassured her as he wrapped his own arms around her.

"Promise?".

"Promise".

She let her thoughts linger on that last evening with him, he left after that.

And never came back.

Suddenly, she felt a fast approaching demonic aura headed this way.

The aura was very familiar, she fled from the hot spring down the stairs and opened the front gates, she was wearing nothing but light yukata, she shivered at the sudden coldness of the air, she heeded it no mind though.  

It was his aura, the one she'd been waiting for, since the day he had left she had never slept a peaceful slumber, knowing that her heart and mind were with him when he took off.

Never thought that I'd fall in love …

But it grew from a simple crush…

being without you, I was all messed up…

she didn’t have to wait long, the white silhouette of Sesshoumaru walked towards the castle in a normal pace now.

He looked slightly the same, only tiredness was shown in his stance. He looked so worn out.

she could barely make his facial features out, but she didn’t wait for him to reach her, she took off running, tripping twice and covering herself in mud. She didn’t mind, she continued running towards him. She needed to feel him, make sure he was okay.

She reached him, and launched herself into his awaiting arms. He tightened his grip on her as he buried his nose deep within her hair, inhaling her sweet scent.  

How he had missed her, in his time away he discovered his true feelings for her, and he wouldn’t walk away from them now knowing that they'd haunt him for the rest if his existence should he try.

They stayed like that, in each others' embrace for a long time. He was reluctant to pull away as he sensed the rest of the victorious soldiers approaching, he carried her and went inside. Never muttering a word.

"Welcome back home," she said as he sat her down.

"I have missed you so much," she began as she clung to him again for dear life, "You have no idea on what I have been through", she continued as she cried into his chest. She was sobbing now.

He comforted her, whispering soothing words as he carried her to their chambers.

From the doorway, lord Toga and his youngest son watched this with amused expressions, Sesshoumaru didn’t even honor them with a glance! He just came home and went straight to Kagome. It was apparent to them how much the pup loved the girl.

Sesshoumaru sat Kagome on the futon and stepped back to remove his armor and boots and change to his yukata. Kagome whimpered at the sudden loss of her lover, he chuckled a bit at her childish antiques.

"This Sesshoumaru needs to change", he said as he raised an amused eyebrow at her.

She let go of him and glanced down at her own ruined yukata, she went behind her shoji screen and changed to a clean one.

When they were done, they sat on the middle of the futon, Kagome was on Sesshoumaru's lap sitting sideways,  with their arms wrapped around each other.   

Kagome felt like this was the perfect moment to tell him her true feelings and what had been going on in his absence.

"When you were away… I felt so… so… lost", she managed to say between calming breaths, she laid her head on his chest, "I have missed you more than you can ever imagine, Sessou-kun, it wasn’t easy for me.. being without you… for months…I …I…

I love you" she said as she lowered her bangs to cover her eyes, she tightened her hold on Sesshoumaru as she saw him stiffen visibly.

"I have missed you too, koi," he said, suddenly slipping to referring to himself in a one person," I love you too, Kagome".

He said the last part very sweetly, she gasped at his words. He then titled her head backwards and kissed her deeply, showing her just how much he loved her and how much he had missed her. the night was spent in proving to each other their love.  

The End     

i hope yo liked it? reviews are very much appreciated! feel free to send them! 

-Reema (: