Wow, that was certainly an adventure for your first story! Well done!
I personally felt that the switches between POVs were effective but they happened too often- it really interrupted the flow of the story for me. And a lot happened, perhaps if you'd split it into two or three separate chapters you could have explored the character's and plot development a little more. I hope you don't mind me saying this- these are just things you may want to consider in the future.
However, this is great! A very enjoyable read with an entertaining plot: I wish I had written this well (or as much) when I started writing fanfiction. If I were you, I would definitely write more- you can take this to so many interesting places! (And I'm cheering at the prospect of a lemon... the kissing scene in this was certainly nice and steamy!)
So keep going! I for one will be waiting to see what you come up with next :)
UnknownRandomness
It really good!!! Please updated next chapter quickly (I hope there will be lemon in next chapter *shy*)
Take that Inuyasha is what you deserve for threat Kagome badly
Love the story, for this being your first fanfiction it's an awesome story, update the next chapters quick. Keep it coming.
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