I feel that this story's strongest moment comes when you shift the point of view to that of Hirako. His observation the Sesshomaru and Kagome moments and how he sees this as being something truly strange--this comes across as being a very real and true depiction.
I think it's a good idea to look for someone who can beta for you. Not just for the grammar errors but also to help point out the weaknesses in the plot/story. Thanks for the read and good luck with your writing.
TKNA (Chapter 1) - Tue 18 Dec 2012
This story could be better if you get someone to look over your work. You need to make up your mind if your going to do past or present tense, not both. In addition, Kagome's cat name is Buyo. Sesshomaru eyes are amber not ember. And it's loath not loathed (again getting confused with past and present). Some of the sentences you have make no sense either. I'm not trying to flame you but over all, you need to work on your grammar and spelling errors.
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