Okay... I can barely keep up with this.... I like it, do not get me wrong... But there are absolutely no breaks between time gaps, characters are barely introduced and all of a sudden they are congruent to the story..
Sess and Kags relationship started so fast and yet they now have a weird patterm.. I cant even describe it.
I do like the premise of the story.. But it seems careless, the way you have it written. Almost as if you thought up the scene, wrote it without looking back, and posted it without trying to connect it to the rest of the story.
At least give your readers the courtesy of mentioning time variations.. It gets very confusing when something happens and all of a sudden, for no reason, it is weeks, months or even years later and there is a character we do not know, doing something that makes little sense.
You could do so much with this idea.. Extend it, make it more detailed.. So that the story could take on a life of its own and flow so much easier than it is now.
At least think about it.
Best regards,
Stacie
Nilee1 (Chapter 17) - Fri 06 Jun 2014
Excellent story!
that was a great story...keep it up
go kagome show them u got the power.....ooooo it looks like kana got a man.....lol
this was in all honesty an awesome story! i was a bit unsure when mentioning what i imagine to be the mafia but it turned out really well. he didn't kill unnessaciyl that SHE/I knew of and he lvoed her with all his heart. it was perfect. mayb now he wont have to turn into the small dog during the winter(?).
I really very much enjoyed this story and thank you very much for writing it. Hope to see more from you soon! :)
Great story, I enjoyed it ^_^
This story is amazing and I enjoyed it.
TKE (Chapter 17) - Thu 06 Sep 2012
That was an awesome story, I love the time twist!!!
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