I've read two of your stories, and both stayed with me for days! I loved A Forgotten Love a lot... It made me cry. Keep writing!

Hello Mizuko!  I read your story 'Hopless' and it has definitely started out well, and I will be keeping an eye on it for sure ;).  I wasn't sure if you were looking for a critique, or an opinion, but I will say that you did everything right. You have added some intrigue to make a reader want to discover what is going on, and you personalized your characters as much as you can for a first chapter.  Just keep it going.  The only thing that was a bit distracting was the lyrics in between.  The song DEFINITELY fit the chapter though.  It's mostly just a personal preference to not have lyrics in stories.  Anyhow, I hope this helped :)