While i think the over al story was okay i found myself asking too many questions for me to consider this a story i would want to read again or favorite. For one thing, while you gave some details like strips and coloring of the pups at certain places in this story you were lacking completely in others. Like how and why? as well as when Kagome was either captive or working for Naraku with Hojo who was randomly Naraju's son. I kinda felt like you wrote this while sleepy, or something, it was missing something. Anyway i would say put more details in there were deserved. Also Aki, and Toshen? Kagome's parents i'm guessing? we have no idea, b/c you didnt tell us. they were jsut some random people, same thing with Sakura, and we didnt even know Souta was in this story til he just randomly poped up. This needs more deffinition but other wise it was okay. try again i'm sure you'll be great. - r0o
You've obviously got a lot of enthusiam and drive, so kudos to you for that. I do feel that your writing style needs a little time to grow, however.
The first step is getting a beta. Let's face it, editing is hard, and when you've just spend AGES working on that next chapter, you want nothing more than to just post it so that your readers can keep up with what's going on. But you've got consistant grammar and spelling issues throughout your story, and unfortunately that takes away from what you're trying to write. If you took some of the world's greatest books and translated them into error-riddled chatspeak, most people would have a hard time following, and would be likely to put the book down. I use that as an extreme example, but consistant spelling and grammar errors can be a real pain to readers.
The important thing to keep in mind, however, is that no one is perfect. Published books spend forever being edited with a fine-tooth comb by people who do that sort of thing for a living. First drafts are bound to have errors, but that's no reason why your finished copy should too.
When you edit, read your story aloud. This is probably the best way to edit, because you'll read far more closely, and you're more likely to pick up on errors you might otherwise miss. It also has the added benefit of putting your dialogue to the test. If something one of your characters is saying sounds very odd when you say it, likely your readers will find it odd too.
Betas are your friends. A second set of eyes never hurts, and often the feedback you get from your beta can not only improve your work, but your writing as a whole. (I've learned LOADS about grammar from beta's I've had in the past). You can find kind and generous souls willing to beta in the forums here at Dokuga.
Remember to read as often as you can! You'll pick up on new words, new expressions, and proper grammar usage by reading good books. (Though, keep in mind, even published works can sometimes have errors).
Description is good, but too much description can take away from the plot. It's a bit of a nitpick, but you don't need to describe the clothes everyone is wearing in minute detail. I've found the best rule of thumb is to ask yourself 'is this relevant to the plot?', if not, it's something you might want to consider leaving on the cutting room floor.
Characterisation is fun! One of the best things about fanfiction is that the universe is already set up for you. You know a lot about these characters, and how they interact. Now it's your turn to play in the sandbox -- but the best part is putting them in new situations and watching them evolve. I know your story is AU, which is fine, but when you take the characters out of their setting, and change who they are, you've got yourself a brand new universe. It's at that point that you start writing original fiction with character names from a particular fandom.
Writing is a skill - anyone can learn to do it. All it takes is a lot of practice, and perserverance (a love of reading never hurts - nearly all great writers are also great readers). Your writing shows great potential, and I think you can definitely go far with it if you keep at it. Best of luck to you, and thanks for sharing!
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