Awesome... so much better now. I can identify! Yay! I like the fact that you released Ayumu from his hell to let him love his Hana. It was so romantic. ^_^
Interesting to say the least... I like where this is going, but it would be a little better if I could decipher when the Point of View changes. It takes a little while to understand whose POV it is in certain areas. Names would definitly help when the shift happens. Plus, going between one pack and the other, it would help if you put a notice up so the reader can mentally exit from before and prepare for what's to come. This way the readers' mind-set doesn't stick with what happened and will move onto what will happen instead of reading than re-reading to get the break between settings. All in all, I like this story a lot, and I can't wait for you to continue.
Interesting to say the least... I like where this is going, but it would be a little better if I could decipher when the Point of View changes. It takes a little while to understand whose POV it is in certain areas. Names would definitly help when the shift happens. Plus, going between one pack and the other, it would help if you put a notice up so the reader can mentally exit from before and prepare for what's to come. This way the readers' mind-set doesn't stick with what happened and will move onto what will happen instead of reading than re-reading to get the break between settings. All in all, I like this story a lot, and I can't wait for you to continue.
CMF (Chapter 3) - Wed 07 Apr 2010
Hey! This story is getting better and better, I have troubles trying to understand Sesshomaru's reasons to try to hold back, nevertheless it has a really good theme it's kind of unique and that's hard in a fanfiction with so many stories and writers, is hard to do an unique idea and I think you are doing just that so it's great. I also agree that you should make some signals to the reader to advice that you are chanching scenes I also got confused with the last chapter it wasn't so easy to read as others so it requiered more effort, in any case I think you are making a very good history and I'll keep looking for your updates.
Sprinks (Chapter 3) - Wed 07 Apr 2010
this chapter was very confusing. i would suggest highlighting when you change the scene because for most of it i thought it was kagome flash back and then realized it wasn't. which was highly frustrating.
this chapter is really good though dnt get me wrong, i just didn't understand it because of the scene changes.
i would recommend putting a ---- or *************** across a line. just to let the reader know it's a different scene. =]
please update soon. this is getting juicy! :D
Sprinks (Chapter 2) - Tue 06 Apr 2010
WOOOO i am loving this :D
can't wait for the next installment!! :D please be soon! :D
This is a beautiful story. WOW
No (Chapter 1) - Mon 05 Apr 2010
| This is gonna be a really good story, I can tell! Good work! Its a clever pot too. Please update.
janjan (Chapter 1) - Mon 05 Apr 2010
Excellent first chapter keep going!!!
Sprinks (Chapter 1) - Mon 05 Apr 2010
all i have to say is WOW!
that was a great way to start the story. i can't wait for an update. it might explain a bit more.
I'm wondering how Kagome got away from him before... Is this a reincarnation or is it her again? Was there a spell placed upon her... Was she torn from him...? Did she die and is now back and now he's hullucinating the faded mating mark upon her neck... or the ghost. oh there's so much to unravel :)
oh this is good. FANTASTIC! please update soon :)
Love Sprinks :)
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