ding dong the bitch is dead.....muahahahah i love it....thanks for killing her off.....i am definately in love with your story...update soon please
| Hey, I'm happy you updated!
So, hm, please don't be offended by my review, I'm just giving the feedback I'd like to receive for my fics... You have a great plot, I'm charmed by it, but this chapter was kind of rushed. You had so much to say and I get it, but the scenes sort of mixed... It's just a thought, but, you could take this chapter, describe each dialogue with a little bit of calm and maybe split it into two chapters.
Anyway, it's always up to you! Keep writing.
Best wishes
| "-and he did not rape her..."
Does that mean you won't be adding any details in the next update?
seriously not cool you cant just leave it there...i love your story my only complaints are that your chaps are REALLY short.....more please.....
| it's not fair that it ends so fast! and I'm about ready to ull my hair out waiting to see what will happen next!! so please hurry with the next chapter
Anggie (Chapter 3) - Wed 01 Apr 2009
| Oh snap! Its new...Its different...Its edgy...I love it.
| You almost have me pulling out my hair but on another note if her were to be at my door today and ask me to leave my man for him... sorry kinda went into lala land. Can't wait for the next chap hurry!!!!
xcc (Chapter 2) - Tue 31 Mar 2009
Oh, noes! Did you really have to stop there? I'm intrigued about his real motives to be so depressed. Beside, I'd read many stories where they mate for an unusual reason, but never to safe his life. So this one it's a first. Please update soon. I would like it even more, if you write longer chapters. Thanks for sharing this story.
Lena (Chapter 2) - Tue 31 Mar 2009
| Thats not fair. How could you end it like that? But anyway so far so good keep up the great work, and I hope you update soon.
| I like chapter 2 the way it is. Keep going on the path that you are taking us. Write for yourself and not the masses. *hugs and smiles*
| Hey there!
So, you have a interesting plot and I like you style, but, well, Sesshomaru is a bit OOC, it's only my opinion, but I think you'd have a stronger fic with Sesshomaru closer to his "usual" self.
Best wishes
gahhhhh....you can't just leave it there *glares* that wasnt very nice.......update soon please i want to know what happens....and good job i am really liking your story so far
| The scenes are a little jumpy. Don't know what happened that Sesshoumaru would be in the state he's in. But it's still pretty good.
Great start. If you want me to continue reading you will update soon...like today...please?...I will give you a cookie!! o.o;; *tears* why are you ignoring me?! update soon =P hehe
Hmmm. I guess it could be called a good start. You have good potential. However, if you don't mind too much, I'd like to point out some improvements you could possibly use (if you want to of course)
Your summary is goo enough without the usual "read and find out" and "trust me you'll love it". Both sentences sound a little amateurish, and may turn off some of your potential readers.
Your writing style is nice, but it is marred by some mistakes. I'm sure this could be avoided if you had a beta reader, who could point them out to you. Even the best authors have a beta, it's not a shame really, it's more like a proof that you're being serious with your writing. I know there is a category in the forum where you may ask for help.
I hope you don't mind my little interference. I only mean to help you the best way I know. We all need constructive criticism, it's what makes us improve as artists.
Dewa mata
mia (Chapter 1) - Wed 25 Mar 2009
sha that was a really good chapter keep up the good work though please update soon the suspense is going to drive me crazy bye!
tina (Chapter 1) - Wed 25 Mar 2009
although short it is a fascinating start to a story , it shows promise of being a great story , I look forward to future chapters
| I liked your first chapter very much. I could feel the tension building up and where it was leading me. It was no surprise that it lead to Sess but, I still like your story and looking forward for the next chapters. *hugs and smiles*
| Overall I think this first chapter is pretty good. I do think that you need a 'Beta' to go over and edit your work for errors and such. The pacing of the story is brink but no so fast that you don't know what's happening. I look forward to reading more in the future.
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