Hmmm. There's potential here. Honestly, I think you could have good writing skills, your descriptions are nice and you just don't relate actions, you let us know about their inner workings, emotional state and such things.
However, I have to be honest, just for the sake of helping you improve. There are many mistakes, something you probably would be able to avoid by just taking more time to reread, or finding somebody to beta your chapters before posting them. Honestly, that would make reading your story so much more agreable to us...
Please, consider this review as constructive criticism. My only purpose is to help.
I look forward to your next chapter. I'm curious to know how all this is going to turn out...
Dewa mata
So far you've caught my interest with the first two chapters. At two spots in the 2nd chapter, some lines are switched around and makes it confusing and difficult to read.
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