Canon divergence is good and all, but pacing is also important in a good story. As for the length of each chapter, there is a difference between a chapter and a oneshot collection. Second chapter looked more like it belonged in the latter as opposed to the former. That is what I meant by the length of a chapter. After all, this is far from reading a book. It threw the reader off when there is a large difference in length between chapters. I call it rhythm in reading. You know how story pacing can be fun to read when the rhythm is just right? It add to the anticipation when reading a story, making people sit on the edge wanting the next chapter because they don't want to stop the tempo. Being both reader and writer, I can sympathise when people say what you did is not enough but please do not take it as demeaning your effort.

Take it with an ocean of salt. It is meant to help your writing so that your story's full potential can be polished. That is the main difference between a story worth reading and story immediately dropped like a hot potato. Because people can see its potential but bad presentation make them turn away. Also, character development is also important to keep the interest.

People want to see the process of the development and this story is lacking the importance of that development. Skipping the conflict leave a reader confused and ultimately annoy them into dropping the story. Nowhere in the beginning of the story is there clue on Inuyasha's intention to go to hell but since we are reading this through Sesshoumaru's POV, it is understandable. Kagome's reaction is also lacking but deeper into the story it is understandable, she has become desensitized by Inuyasha's decision. But not many reader can be as perceptive as I am when reading a story, especially when its presentation is as messy as it is.

This story is still in its early stage but the messy presentation can make one drop interest. And that is the saddest thing about a story, being dropped because reader couldn't cope with the confusion. Chapter 3 and 4 has a lot of jumping around between character perspective. I feel this story would survive more if you write it out in short drabbles like Forthright. Look into her writing and you will understand what I meant.

As for haven't watched Inuyasha for 6 years, on my part Inuyasha is introduced to me through Dokuga and FF.net. So Alternate Canon is common as well as Out of Character interaction is very much understandable. Readers simply want to see what you can make out of the characters and setting, that is fanfiction. But if you can stick to as much originality of characters from Canon as possible, the story will be even more entertaining.

Sorry for this long review but for me, a well thought out review is far better for an author since it shows sincere interest in the story. Take it as constructive criticsm because that is honestly my intention.

I was a little confused at first on whom the prey was. Because I thought it was kagome due to the blue eyes and black hair but then the corded leg muscles and walking inch by inch sounded like it was some sort of animal.  What could have piqued his curiosity so much?

Has kagome really gotten over Inuyasha so quickly? No tears or even crying privately? Did no one sense sesshomaru being around?

Update soon onegai

Ja ne

Girl, you know how the song goes...

Gimme, gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme....

Also, please keep the story length constant, the second chapter could have been added to the first chapter and it would fit...

But again...

Gimme, gimme more, gimme more, gimme gimme....

Not bad for your first story. I cannot wait to see what happens next. Sesshoumaru is unlikely to give up or be ignored. Watch out for youe grammatical errors gere and there. However great job altogether.

Great start looking forward to seeing more.