Fallen Part One: Downfall by Ruby Raze

Going Under

Chapter 1:Going Under

Running through the dense foliage, she fled, tears running down her face. 'He did it again!' her mind screamed, berating her heart for thinking that there could ever be anything between them. Her heart be damned! Her mind begged her to stop loving him. She could not love him. She would not love him, unfortunately for her the masochistic side of her blanched at the thought of leaving him, of not loving him. But Higurashi Kagome was no fool. He knew what he was doing in agreeing to turn her over to her worst enemy in exchange for her. He finally chose, and it wasn't her. The dead bitch won.

So lost in her thoughts was she that she didn't realize where she was until she was running through the courtyard of the shrine. At that moment in time, was when she realized how exhausted she truly was. Sleep had eluded her for nearly seventy-two hours, as she had spent that time making her way home as she just found out, from her group, her second family, and most of all her friends. Even the small nigglings of blackness that usually pricked her vision when she was over taxed managed to make themselves scarce even if it had been three days since she last slept. Seventy-two hours ago, the one she loved had betrayed her, she had been offered to the enemy, she would be the human sacrifice for something that wasn't even living.

With each step she took closer to her house, it seemed like the courtyard was a never-ending expanse, with each step closer to the house she took, the farther away it appeared to be. Reaching her goal seemed impossible. Finally making it to the back door, she tried to turn the knob and realized that it was locked, her spare key left with her backpack at the camp they had set up the night she left. 'Who knows where it is now,' she cried. Ineffectually pounding her fists against the door, she gave a faint mewl of pain and frustration, before she dropped to her knees and curled up on the steps, crying herself to sleep. Faintly she registered just before her mind shut down that she also hadn't stopped to eat in the subsequent three days.

~x~

When her body finally allowed her overtaxed mind to once again regain its former awareness, she found herself teetering on the edge of a vast plane of sheer nothingness, black clouding her soul. Panicking slightly, she looked in all directions, looking for a way out and when she came full circle, she found a pinprick of light, miniscule in size, but the brilliance of it giving her hope that there was a way out of this.

//Now I will tell you what I've done for you//

Making her way towards the light, she desperately tried to reach it. It seemed the faster she went the further away it was, until she realized in a panicked, fearful haze that her spec of hope was shrinking. In the distance, in the fading light, there stood the silhouette of a couple, locked in a tight embrace, seemingly a man and a woman, one being slightly shorter than the other. At that moment she knew who it was. Tears quickly filled her eyes, and she called out to him. Her love was leaving her. After all they had been through together, after all she had done for him and he was leaving her for someone who's body was made out of burial soil, bones and stolen souls. He was leaving her for someone who he thought he loved, for someone who was using him to gain her own happiness.

//50 thousand tears I've cried//

As the darkness swallowed the last of the light in her soul, she cried out to him once more before the last vestiges of light completely vanished. Falling to her knees, she curled up into the fetal position on her side and wept as she fell.

Praying the pain would leave her heart and soul, she promised herself that once she escaped this roiling sea of nothingness, she would be strong. She would waste her tears no more on someone who did not love her. She would no longer put her trust into people so easily, especially after this latest betrayal; she vowed to herself to never love again.

//Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you//

For too long had she wasted her tears on him, for too long had she bled for him, protected him emotionally and physically from those who would kill him, break him. No more would she lie to herself. She has let this charade go on for far too long, she feared that she might never be able to bring herself out of this. She lied to her friends, family and most of all herself, saying that his coarse words and rough treatment were just his way of showing his affection, that in the few tender moments he was seeing her and not the dead bitch.

//And you still wont hear me

(I'm going under)//

Countless times Kagome told him how she felt, so he could not hide behind the excuse that he thought they were just friends. After his first blatant show of devotion to the dead one, she has been screaming, trying to get him to hear her, to make him see, but she would try no more, he was blind to the fact, he chose to be blind to the fact. After this day he would be no more in her mind. She was determined to nullify all thoughts and feelings for the bastard half-breed.

But saying is always easier than doing. No matter how Kagome tried to kill the thoughts, the feelings, the memories, they still floated in her mind; haunting her, they taunted her with flashes of his rare, cocky smiles and his concern when she was hurt. She could feel herself being dragged down, drowned in the intense feelings of betrayal that coursed through her very system, fueling her to move on, to rise above this. She would move on! She would prevail! She would prove to him that she was more than just a weird, helpless girl who fell from the future. She would show him!

//Don't want your hand this time

I'll save myself//

With a new hope casting a light through the black abyss, she straightened herself out, slowly rising to her feet. With new determination, she rose like a phoenix from the flames in a burst of light, her limbs flung out as an angry red light shot from every part of her body. She has been reborn again.

No longer would she play the role of the damsel in distress. She would take matters into her own hands. She needs not the help of a man such as himself to accomplish her goals. She would no longer accept his help. She would liberate herself from this monster. She would do things on her terms, come and go as she pleases, this was her life and she was going to take charge.

//Maybe I'll wake up for once

Not tormented daily defeated by you//

But once again, saying is much, much easier than doing. Only time would tell if she would heal, or if she would fall again. Her life felt like a dream to her, one that she prayed she would wake up from. But she knew this was not the case, she would never wake up, so she would have to find other places to hide, until she found a way out. She would make her own world and not let the world make her.

//Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom//

Looking out towards this new light that had formed above her, she halted her descent into despair and self -loathing and began to rise until she was level with it. In the distance this new light shone with an eerie red glow. After all of those who had tried, after all the evil that had touched her soul in an attempt to corrupt it, it took one she loved to taint her white light. Higurashi Kagome wants vengeance and vengeance she shall have. The dead bitch may have won the battle, but she would not win the war.

//I'm dying again//

Really Kagome felt like she was dieing again, despite the subsequent thoughts that were now lifting up. Yes. She had died before. And it hurt. It hurt like hell. This time was no different. This was due to the voice of reason, her mind. Her heart was still crying, bleeding. She felt just as she did when she first saw Inuyasha and Kikyou together when she was trapped to the tree, and the bitch tried to take him to hell with her. She felt like her heart had shattered into a million pieces, much like the Shikon had when struck with her purifying arrow. However, she feared she would not be able to piece her heart back together like she had been doing the Shikon for the past four years now. This was something that she herself could not fix. It had to be done by someone else. It has to be done by someone who loves her.

//I'm going under//

Thinking back on the past four years only made things worse for her steadily growing, and yet still weak resolve. Thinking back she couldn't help but dwell on all of the good times they had together, completely disregarding everything that he had done to hurt her, his constant betrayals.

//Drowning in you//

Thinking back to the time when she thought he had died, had been blown up, she had blamed herself. He had once again shed his protective garb in order for her to wear it, to protect her; after all she was just a weak human. However, when she found him, and he held her, she couldn't help but drown in his protective embrace. She couldn't help but cry for him, happy he was alive, but it seemed he had merely put on a show, probably to throw Kouga off. 'Gods I'm such a fool,' she wailed in despair.

//I'm falling forever//

She could feel herself begin to fall again; desperately she tried to find a way to stop it. 'Think happy thoughts,' she thought wryly to herself. Unfortunately it wasn't just happy thoughts that would lift her back up to her previous place, to the place she was before this whole escapade into the feudal era. It would take a hell of a lot more than that. 'I don't think I'll ever reach that place again,' she thought, sinking lower still.

She could feel herself fall now; she could feel the wind tugging at her hair and clothes, pulling her down. Temporarily she thought about just letting herself go, life really wasn't worth it right now. 'Right now is the key word girly!' she told herself sternly, ever the optimist.

//I've got to break through

I'm going under//

As if on queue, her optimistic little angel decided to pipe up, bringing back all of her reasons for breaking free of the darkness. The faces of her friends and family from both eras flashed before her mind's eye, filling her once again with determination.

Trying to dispel the darkness that still surrounded her back, black began to seep into her eyes, before they were completely overrun, not even the white of her eyes managing to peek through the cloud that blocked out their normally blue depths.

Looking around she saw that it was working. Elation filled her at the prospect of being able to see her family and friends again. Then in a moment she felt her power leaking from her, an outside force stealing her one way out. Panicking she tried to pull more of her latent powers to the surface, her powers flashing a fierce fire before they quickly returned to normal.

There was only one explanation for this. They found her. He wanted her unconscious so she couldn't give him problems before he delivered her. She tried her powers again, the previous power flashing briefly before it went out completely. Dropping to her knees in despair, she utter heart wrenching sobs; she was trapped. Lifting her head towards the 'sky' she uttered a cry of desperation, sorrow, and utter rage that could only be rivaled by something inhuman, before she collapsed, her memories once again consuming her in her weakened state.

//Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

So I don't know what's real and what's not//

Looking back on her time with her hanyou companion, she found it increasingly difficult to write off his actions the way she used to. Before she thought she could tell when he had lied to her, when he was leaving something out, but now she just couldn't tell what was true with him.

It seemed to her that when they had first met after he had gotten over the fact that he wanted the jewel and started to willingly help her, that they had started to form a tentative kind of friendship, that was quickly budding into a relationship of sorts. But then the bitch Urasue stole her soul to revive Kikyou and shattered what had been slowly forming. Of course she didn't see it as shattered at the time, just slightly cracked. But, what did she know? She didn't even know the bastard. Ever since the bitch had been revived, hell even before that all could have been an act. For all she knows he could have gotten Urasue to revive Kikyou and just acted so hurt and surprised to see the bitch. It could have all just been one big conspiracy against her!

//Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again//

But now she was being paranoid! This was silly! 'Come on girl, it's not like the whole world is against you or anything! It's not like you're anyone important,' she told herself repeatedly. Sighing, she prayed that if they really wanted to kill her that they would get it over with, she really didn't feel like stewing in her problems.

//I'm going under

Drowning in you//

She could feel herself being weighed down again by her problems. This would be harder than she ever thought imaginable to get herself out of the hole she dug for herself. If she were not careful she would bury herself. She didn't know which was worse, burying herself alive in her problems, or drowning in the unrequited love of a man who has been using you all along. Both seemed long and drawn out to her.

//I'm falling forever

I've got to break through//

Looking around she realized that the light was no longer in sight. She had fallen that far in the time it took for her to once again wallow in her misery. What's worse, it's so easy to fall to the point of no return, however, getting herself back up from that point was a thousand times more difficult that getting there. In this case 'it takes longer to get there than it does to get home' in absolutely no way applies. On the contrary, it's the complete opposite.

//So go on and scream

Scream at me I'm so far away//

From the light she knew was just above her, she could have sworn she heard someone gasp and scream for her. Calling her name. But it seemed, that she was just too far away to make out the words. Where she was at, even the voice of the gods could not reach her. Nothing could reach her. Desperately trying to make it to the imaginary voice, she sobbed out loud, fear clinging to her like a second skin. She was trapped.

//I won't be broken again

I've got to breathe//

Feeling the suffocating nothingness of the void, she tried desperately to thrash her way back to the surface. She could feel her throat constricting, tears stinging her eyes as barely any air managed to make it through her windpipe.

As she felt her life force ebb away, in a last ditch effort to regain her freedom and her life, and tapped into her very essence, summoning forth her hidden powers. Throwing her head back, she released a burst of power and felt her surroundings begin to crack, if only minutely. She would be free!

//I can't keep going under//

Using an extra strong burst of her newfound powers, she broke through the darkness that pervaded her senses, shattering it like glass. She had broken the damn that held her strength. In a burst of flame she broke through. Sitting straight up with a gasp she looked around and found herself still on the back steps. Her mother was standing over her, but she could feel the presence of another. Completely disregarding her mother's presence, she wildly looked around as her eyes flashed red. She knew they were there. Watching. Waiting.

From the ajar doorway of the well house she saw a pair of brown eyes, a triumphant, and yet enraged gleam in them. The bitch had Inuyasha, but she failed to keep her in the comatose like state. She had been defeated... or not. Looking down she saw how sallow and weak she was. She knew she couldn't walk, in her weakened state Kikyou could kill her, but she knew the bitch would not reveal herself and face the wrath of her mother. Besides, she had a feeling that the bitch needed her for something more, for something bigger. She admitted defeat. Her eyes returned to their normal blue as her consciousness slowly began to fade again. But, she was comforted with only one thought:

'The dead bitch may have won, but it would be a short-lived victory. I'll make sure of that,' she hissed as the lights went out. Dropping once again in a faint, she missed the surprised gasp of her mother. Such words were very out of character for the daughter that Higurashi Tsuki raised.

As Kagome drifted on comforting currents that soothed her battered soul, she dwelled on her revenge and how she would exact it. If Higurashi Kagome was sure of one thing in her life, it was that she was a woman of her word and she vowed to reclaim the missing piece of her soul, one way or another.

~x~

well i decided to repost this because i noticed that it was hard to distinguish the song lyrics from the rest of the story. therefore all of the chapters have to be reuploaded.