Waiting For That Which We Lack by DifferentDances

Chapter One

The first time Kagome has sex with Inuyasha, their movements are awkward and tinged with desperation. The shadow of Naraku and Kikyou darken their anxious touches and kisses, and their limbs collide more than once as they grasp and tangle, trying to make each other whole. The sense of urgency is compounded by the echoes of taunting laughter from Naraku's latest escape, the additional lines of pain Sango accumulates as she does with every failure to avenge her tribe, and Miroku's increasingly brittle smile, a dead man walking into the dawn.

Afterwards, Kagome gazes at the raw, devastating love in Inuyasha's eyes and she smiles tentatively. She feels sore, and –worse– hollow with a new form of frustration. She knows he tried to make her feel good, but between their collective baggage and inexperience, there is much room for improvement. They will get better, she knows; it's like riding a bicycle, and time and practice will help. There is no time to linger –they never really have time anymore– and they get dressed in strained silence, sweaty limbs jerking into grimy sleeves. "I love you," she whispers suddenly into the bright and gloomy afternoon, her voice fierce, and he closes his eyes.

The first time Kagome has sex with Sesshoumaru is not the first time she sees him naked. The first time she sees him naked is when she sinks into a natural hot spring after a long day's trek and she's downwind of where the full-youkai soaks behind an obtrusive boulder. She splashes hot water onto her face to try easing her weariness from the latest encounter with Kohaku, and the noise causes him to move from behind the boulder, stopping in the water to observe her with that opaque look of his. She screams and ducks down, trying to cover her body, and he blinks in puzzlement before shrugging lightly and stepping out of the hot spring to retrieve his clothes.

Inuyasha arrives on the scene to find a highly embarrassed Kagome, and after giving the air a cursory sniff, he gives her an odd look and asks her if there's anything wrong. When she shakes her head, her face still bright red, he tells her to hurry out of the water before the heat boils her brain. The look he casts over his shoulder at her crouched form is not one she can identify.

The next time Kagome sees Sesshoumaru naked, she is sitting nude on a rock by a small pond, her toes causing ripples in the water as she tries to bring herself off in hopes of being able to tell Inuyasha what would improve their sparse and rather ineffective sex life. Her sources of information are limited, but she's fairly certain that there wouldn't be such a fuss over such a messy affair if it didn't have a fabulous payoff. She is startled by a dreaded, dry voice from behind her commenting,"You're not doing very well." Fear and shame close her throat over a desperate scream, and her averted face burns with humiliation as she tries miserably to cover her body from Sesshoumaru's calm gaze. He continues with mild curiosity,"Is the half-breed equally incompetent at sex?"

Her head snaps up with indignance to defend Inuyasha, even if he is so very bad at sex –she must be to blame as well, since she doesn't have much in the way of research and technical knowledge, much less practical experience. But her complaint dies between her parted lips as she realizes Sesshoumaru is naked as well, and this time there is no water obscuring his sharply defined stomach, his lovely calves, and the very prominent erection in between. She gapes because he is attractive and male, two words she associates with Inuyasha but in different degrees. When he makes no moves to invade the pond, she finally stutters,"Um, if you want to bathe, I can leave."

He rolls his eyes before he pulls her gently and firmly onto her back over the grass. He gives her a superior look that alternates between condescending pity and haughty amusement, and then shows her exactly how wonderful a tongue can feel inside her. Kagome is taken by surprise and is about to object when she realizes he knows what he is doing. It feels incredible and she wishes guiltily that Inuyasha had the same skill, before succumbing to the sensations he coaxes from her flesh.

Guilt resurfaces when Sesshoumaru says simply,"He will smell me on you," before taking his leave of her. She scrambles to the pond and scrubs herself raw with her meager supplies of soap. Regret and anger vie for dominance as she struggles to reconcile her love for Inuyasha with her lust for gratification. The memory of Sesshoumaru's coldly amused eyes helps to anchor her emotions, and she realizes that though the sex was good, it too was lacking.

When she arrives back at camp, Inuyasha glances at her and her heart flutters nervously. She wonders if her guilt is written all over her face, and if the scent of his hated older brother still lingers despite her best efforts. After a few seconds of agonizing scrutiny, Kagome is relieved when he returns his attention to the fire and mutters,"You shouldn't take so damn long." She tucks herself into her sleeping bag and pulls Shippou in close before drifting asleep. In the morning, the group moves on, and Kagome manages to elicit genuine smiles from Miroku, for which Sango thanks her in private later. Inuyasha takes Shippou into the forest to hunt, and the young demon comes back with a small rabbit and a glint of worldly wisdom in his green eyes as he offers the kill to Kagome. Inuyasha watches them both with that new indecipherable look of his, and Kagome wonders what thoughts cause that alien look on his face.

As time passes, the guilt wanes, and sex with Inuyasha improves slowly, though she is still left unsatisfied more often than not. When Sesshoumaru reappears before her a month later, she offers the first tentative kiss to the demon. His gaze is smug as he slips inside her, and Kagome sets aside her childhood ideals of love and sex as entwined abstractions. The chance meetings with the more skilled but impersonal brother become more regular, and she somehow manages to keep bruises and hickeys to a minimum; neither amber-eyed brother questions her scent, though that odd, unidentifiable expression on Inuyasha's face occurs more and more often when she takes too long 'bathing.'

Sometimes the demon and the time-slipped priestess have brief talks before or after sex, and the superiority in his eyes begins to thaw with a bemused sort of respect. He wastes no time dwelling on his losses and regrets, and after every encounter she becomes wholly aware that, for good or worse, she is alive. She returns to camp and to Inuyasha better able to serve as the emotional anchor for the weary group, as she props their bruised hearts around the immediacy of living.

Kagome knows she shouldn't continue sleeping with both brothers, even if Sesshoumaru isn't particularly bothered about the hanyou's scent on her and Inuyasha remains unaware of the trysts. But the increasing warmth in Sesshoumaru's eyes as he kisses her, the way Inuyasha spends a night losing count of how many times she comes, and the affection for Sesshoumaru that grows equal to her love for Inuyasha tell her excuses are running thin; something has to give.

And finally, one sunny afternoon after she has spent two weeks wracking her brains for a solution she can live with, that won't destroy Inuyasha's rediscovered heart and won't shatter the still-brittle warmth in Sesshoumaru's eyes, something does give.

For the first time since their first encounter where he tried to kill her, Kagome is genuinely afraid of Inuyasha when he quietly says that they need to talk. He doesn't touch her as he walks ahead into the forest, leading her away from the group, and she feels Sango and Miroku's concerned gazes heavy on her back as she treads after him. He remains eerily calm and silent as he moves between the trees, and Kagome grows increasingly uneasy.

She follows him through a line of trees that open to a small clearing, and her heart plummets as she recognizes the stiff figure of Sesshoumaru standing there. His eyes are guarded as he observes her, and she swallows thickly. She glances at Inuyasha, dreading whatever ultimatum he may issue, dreading whatever decision she has to make, dreading the consequences of her choice for the two demons.

Only Inuyasha has that now-familiar, indecipherable expression on his face as he stands there. His stance is casual and his arms are crossed, though Kagome knows him well enough to read the tension into his slightly hunched shoulders. The silence makes her fidget as guilty hysteria bubbles up within her. Then Inuyasha states quietly,"I know."

Her fingers grip the fabric of her skirt as she chokes out,"How long?"

To her surprise, the two brothers exchange a glance, and Inuyasha looks uncomfortable. "Kagome," he hesitates,"No amount of bathing can remove a scent that close to your skin."

She wants to die of shame, and feels tears well up. Strangely, the two brothers look panicked and exchange another glance. Inuyasha impulsively moves forward and pulls her into a gentle hug. "Don't cry," he pleads. "Please don't cry."

Kagome stares at him as tears stream down her face, bewildered. "You should hate me."

He looks as startled as she feels. "What? Why would I hate you?"

Her brain sputters and goes blank. There is something she's not understanding about this entire situation, and her mind just can't keep up.

"Look, Kagome," Inuyasha says impatiently,"I don't really understand how it started, and I don't really give a damn. I just know you've been agonizing over your decision since the beginning." He pulls back and glances over his shoulder. "And we both decided we'd make things easy for you."

She looks over at Sesshoumaru, and notices that his armor is neatly stacked in a pile to the side. He looks tense, however, as though waiting for a blow. "You decided?"

Inuyasha takes her hand and gently tugs her forward; that alien expression is back on his face. "We decided. You don't have to choose."

Kagome stands there, one foot forward and one hand gently held between Inuyasha's clawed fingers. The implication of his words slowly sinks in, and her eyes widen as she glances at Inuyasha uncertainly. He's still looking at her with that expression, and she suddenly recognizes what it is and why it's so alien on his face –it's patience. She wonders when he'd grown up enough to develop something so sorely lacking in his personality, and she feels an undercurrent of pride for him.

He's still waiting for her to move, for her to make her mind up. She swallows hard; his grip is loose, and she knows that if she decides to run, they will let her. If she decides to choose one or the other, they will let her. And if she decides to accept what they're offering...

She sends another glance at Sesshoumaru. The resignation dulling the warmth in his gaze propels her feet forward, and she feels fierce satisfaction as the clouds are chased from his eyes.

Inuyasha holds her hand more firmly now as he leads her to the other demon; she feels the tension thrumming through his veins, her own nervousness skittering across the clearing. Sesshoumaru keeps very still, as though one movement from him will send them all scattering to the winds. His eyes are locked on Kagome, though, and the searing heat in his gaze sends butterflies to her stomach.

Inuyasha gently nudges her in front of Sesshoumaru, who gazes into her eyes searchingly, and then, wrapping his one arm around her lower back firmly, he bends down to kiss her. Kagome tenses briefly before relaxing into the kiss. She jumps again when she feels Inuyasha press against her back, his hands on her hips and his lips trailing down her neck. The solid muscle before and behind her is almost too much, and she gasps for air even as she runs her hands through Sesshoumaru's hair.

She feels Inuyasha step away from her back and she leans forward to kiss Sesshoumaru thoroughly. The resignation in the usually arrogant demon's eyes earlier bothers her, and she's determined to reassure him that she returns his affection. She's so distracted by giddy relief and so engrossed in him that she scarcely notices the clawed fingers sliding her underwear down her thighs.

Kagome definitely notices when she feels a tongue stroke her, and she breaks from the kiss with a startled gasp. She tries to twist and glance down, but Sesshoumaru's arm holds her firmly against his chest, and Inuyasha's hands keep her legs firmly apart. Her mind is too overloaded to think clearly, and her arms flail up to anchor her hands in Sesshoumaru's kimono. A faint smile tugs at his lips, and he lifts her just enough that she's balancing unevenly on her tip-toes as Inuyasha's tongue laps at her –and then he takes a small step back, bringing her even more off-balance.

Her legs quiver and threaten to give out under her; Sesshoumaru's firm grasp on her waist is all that keeps her from collapsing onto Inuyasha, and that knowledge makes her giddy. Small, ragged cries escape her lips as she struggles to maintain enough sense to keep her balance as Inuyasha's tongue diligently works at her inner folds.

Sesshoumaru's arm twitches, and she distractedly looks up at him, panting, and finds herself mesmerized. The slight flush in his cheeks tells her he's aroused by her, by her hip pressed tightly against his, by her breathy voice climbing as Inuyasha licks her; his heavy-lidded gaze sends her over the edge, and her head snaps back with a sob as she comes, her shuddering body held gently between both brothers.

Kagome feels tired and drained, and pays little attention to anything except her racing heartbeat as Sesshoumaru lowers her onto Inuyasha's lap, before he too settles down beside the younger demon. Inuyasha wraps his arms around her, and she rests her head on his shoulder, trying to process the jumbled mix emotions, of anxiety and relief and contentment and worry. She hears the two brothers exchange quiet words, but pays them no mind as she drifts off to sleep.

Someone kisses her ear –she's not sure who– and she hears Inuyasha say wickedly,"There'll be plenty of time for that later."

She decides that his newfound patience might have a downside, and resolves to Sit him when she awakes.

...end...