Sometimes I Wonder by Silvry

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder things like why I was given a name symbolizing purity. I wonder why everyone thinks me

precious and naive, innocent to the worlds brutality. I wonder why people try to protect me from that

cruelty, and why when they fail they feel so guilty. I wonder how everything always ends up ok for me in the end, and how the sun set another day, given the circumstances I'm in now.

And when I think about him so much...

...I wonder, how any such notions of purity, precious, naive, and innocense apply to me?

Sometime I wonder.

I wonder if when I watched him speak the first time, if he was staring at my eyes like I was his. I wonder if when he battled and I watched his body gracefully dance through the air, he noticed me gazing and secretly relished in it. I wonder if when I ran he observed my body like I had his. I wonder, when he attacked me, did he truly mean me harm, or was he simply wishing to get closer.

And when I think about that...

...I wonder, was he thinking of me the same lustful way I was him?

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder late in the evenings if a tragic past like his half brothers was what formed his dark outer shell. I wonder if it only needed to be scratched away at, like his half brothers was, for someone to be close to him. I wonder, if he loathed his father for mating with a human after his mother, thinking to himself that she wasn't good enough for the powerful demon lord. I wonder if he detested the human woman because she was somehow superior to his mother in ways only his father could see. I wonder, if that's why he hates his half brother so, for the love between the human woman and his father. I wonder, if that is why he despises the whole hanyou race, believing the love that spawned them the cause of his family to fall apart.

And when I think of his supposed past...

...I wonder, could it be mended?

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder about how he thinks of me when he sees me. I wonder if he sees another human, another miko, just the reincarnation of his half brothers old affection. I wonder if he sees the carbon model and nothing more. I wonder, if for all his wits, if he can read past my eyes and into my soul, to know that late at night someone thinks about him, that someone cares. I wonder, if he ever thought of his half brother as more than a half breed, but as his family, the only one he has left in this world.

And when I think about what he thinks...

...I wonder, if late at night he thinks about me?

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder if he regrets trying to kill of harm me all those times. I wonder, if he thinks me weak for allowing his half brother to always protect me. I wonder if he thinks me powerful for all the times a human female stood her ground against a powerful taiyoukai, or if he thinks me foolish. I wonder, if he thinks how I am in this era bizarre, and knows me not from this place or time. I wonder if he thinks me pitiful for caring for his half brother like I do, almost like a mother would her child. I wonder if he thinks me a wench like he had called me so many times, for how his half brother and the wolf prince fight over me, and how all I do is cry about it and still care for them both when the day is over.

And when I think about how he assesses my feelings...

...I wonder, if he is thinking of me like his half brother and the wolf prince do, and if he's possessive as well?

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder if as I stare across a field of battle at him, if that glint in his eyes was an emotion, directed at me. I wonder, as he fights with his half brother easily, if he doesn't attack me or the others, because something inside him cares. I wonder why every time he dodges another futile attack on his person, he glances at me for the briefest of moments. I wonder why my heart races each time my friend comes close to hitting him with their fathers fang. I wonder about how it was his half brothers need to protect me that fueled the fang that cut his arm off, and then I feel blameworthy. I wonder if life is taxing for him with only his right arm, not only combat, but his routine life.

And when I think about his everyday life...

...I wonder, would he thank me if I rejuvenated the arm to him that I had ultimately taken away?

Sometime I wonder.

I wonder why he is leisurely walking close to me, as I stand alone in the clearing of the bone eaters well. I wonder why he pauses on the opposite side from me and stares, both of us unmoving for the longest of time. I wonder why he reaches out his arm towards me, palm up and open in a gesture of kindness. I wonder how my shaking hands dropped the near empty bag and were able to reach out to grab his own. I wonder how my trembling legs were able to walk me around the well towards him, all the while his steady hand holding my small one. I wonder as he pulls me slowly into his welcoming and warm embrace, why my legs hadn't buckled already. I wonder what he's doing, as he hooks a finger under my chin and lifts my gaze towards his own.

And when I wonder what he's thinking right then...

...I wonder, if he's going to kiss me?

Sometimes I wonder.

I wonder why I always awaken from those dreams in cold sweats, and how cruel fate is to end the dream as a good part comes along. I wonder why my friends say nothing of my flustered behavior in the mornings. I wonder why I don't feel guilty towards the half brother of the man I just dreamed about, though I vowed to be with him till the end. I wonder, if my dreams will come true, and if the powerful lord will hold me like he does in my deepest thoughts. I wonder if he would look at me with more than just a lifeless expression like he does in my secret wishes. I wonder, does he think, maybe even dream of me, the same ways I do in my visions in the night.

And as I stand alone now, about to jump down through the rip in time, him staring across from me, slowly reaching his hand out towards me...

...I wonder, if my heart will stop before the good part?

Sometime I wonder.

Sometime I know.

~A/N: Well, that's the first one shot and poetry piece I ever did. I hope its good (crosses fingers over reviews and ratings). I think I wana spawn a one shot lemon sorta based from this, bit that's only if people ask for it via reviews (hint hint). :P Please lemme know what cha think! ^-^