Shadow's Waltz by kiltykat

Chapter One

Hey there! Just wanted to take this time to introduce you to 'Shadow's Waltz'! hope you enjoy your reading (Oh! And expect little messages from me along the way! -_^)

loving the audiences,

-Kiltykat ^_^

"Sesshoumaru?"

A soft feminine voice called out, breaking the barrier around myself that I spent years trying to recreate... It couldn't be her, fate wasn't that cruel.

"Sesshoumaru is that you?"

Cursing every god I could think of in that moment I looked up into the one face I swore I'd never see again. She was just standing there, smiling that all familiar smile and reaching down to help me up. How could fate be this cruel? Was this some joke to them, my life... I'm beginning to think it is.

"Yeah... it's me."

I looked away from her and stared out to the park on which it's grass I was currently seated on. I watched as she frowned when I rejected her hand and then she sighed. She sat next to me on the soft green grass and pulled her knees to her chest, laying her head on top of them. She stared out into the park and whispered, "How have you been?"

I looked at her in that moment, really looked at her. How was I doing? Was she really asking that? I always knew she was strange, but that question was ridiculous...

"You know how I'm doing..."

He watched as she swiveled her head towards his direction, and those navy orbs from so long ago stared at him. He watched as her eyes softened in pity and he snarled at her and turned away. He didn't want her here...

"Kagome... why are you here?"

She shrugged her shoulders and turned away again... he was glad for that. He didn't know if he could stand her looking at him, it only reminded him of his failures. He watched the wind play with the blades of grass on the ground, yeah... it wasn't much fun, but anything was better than having to be here with her.

"I don't know... I figured you might be lonely, sitting here all alone."

I laughed then... how ironic it was, how cruel... She figured I might be lonely... I already had this discussion with myself...

"I am always alone..."

Kagome's eyes filled with pain then and she slowly nodded her head...

"Yes, I suppose you are..."

I looked at her then, the mask I was so famous for never once slipping. But I knew she didn't care, because she had already seen behind it. She hadn't changed much... she still had those powder pink lips and that long onyx hair... her eyes were the same navy blue, and she was still as pale as the moon... But she was so different... she was not the same woman as she was so long ago... she was no longer mine...

I listened with half an ear as she went on to talk about current events... nodding every once in a while so she would think I was listening...

While I was 'alone' I had learned to block things out, keep what I wanted and forget everything else... the only problem was that when somebody mentioned the past, all of those damn memories came back... rather I wanted them to or not... and she... she was the worst of them all. I had been doing good recently, I'd gotten on with life again and was just starting to loosen up again... and here she is...

'Damnit!'

But I could never hate her. No not her, never her. She followed her heart, how could I hate her for that? But damnit I didn't have to like it. Remember that conversation I had about the difference between being alone, and being lonely? I had forgotten until just now... just my luck... now I'm not only alone, but right now... sitting here like this with her, again... I realized something... I'm lonely. Damnit, I was never meant for this...

"Sesshoumaru... Sesshoumaru are you okay?"

I looked at her, was I okay? Had I ever been okay? No... I decided, no I wasn't okay, but no need to worry her... right?

"As fine as can be expected..."

Yeah, that was the truth though... I watched as her eyes filled with that pain again and she reached her hand out to caress my face, like she used to... She would have too, if at the very last moment I hadn't grabbed her hand and turned my face away. I almost felt my body trembling, almost... but I was too angry to fully realize that I was scaring her... how dare she... how dare she think she can ruin me and then touch me again... I might break...

I released her hand and turned away from her... I'm realized that I scared her then, and felt my heart drop... that was the last thing I wanted to do.

"I'm sorry..."

I wasn't used to apologizing, so my voice came out rough, rusty... I felt her small hand on my cheek and looked her in her teary blue eyes as she whispered, "It's ok..."

I wanted to laugh, but all I could do was swallow the lump in my throat and nod... I wanted to laugh so bad... she was telling me it was ok? That was a damn lie and she knew it, even after six years she was still a terrible liar... probably the worst... there were so many clever things I could say in that moment, so many things that would be expected to come out of my mouth, but all I could say was, "Yeah..."

'Yeah'... probably the smartest comment anybody ever made... I wanted to scream I wanted to laugh I wanted to hit something! Why was she doing this to me? Why wouldn't she let me live? Did she want to see if she could break what was left? Why didn't I follow my better instinct and tell Miroku no? To hell with being civil...

"So... Sesshoumaru..."

That one hurt, memories of long car rides and laughs shared floated between his mind... damn her. Even so he felt himself saying, "So... Kagome..."

Her soft laughter was like a slap in the face... it was amazing how far he had fallen...

"My how I've missed you..."

His eyes widened slightly at that one, thank god she couldn't see his face... he felt the trembling in his chest, was he laughing? Yes... he supposed he was.

"Missed me? I doubt that..."

He felt her roughly grab his shoulder and whirl him to face her, the anger on there was unexpected and he felt himself glare back at her...

'Don't let her see you again... never again...'

"And why would you doubt that huh? Damnit Sesshoumaru why?"

I felt myself become distant... the way I wanted to feel. Because if you're not all there, the pain doesn't reach you as much...

"Miss me..."

I laughed again and stood up and nodded towards a bench where a man was sitting, glaring at him like there was no tomorrow...

"Because dear Kagome... you wouldn't have had to..."

I watched as her eyes filled with tears and she took a step towards me, I half-expected her to slap me... but I knew... deep down I knew. Her arms around my waist felt like acid, cold burning acid... so I just stood there, while this past creature clung to me and wept... I saw the man on the bench stand up and snarl in my direction, but he settled down when I sent an icy stare in his direction.

"Sesshoumaru... why? Why do you do this to me?"

I stared at her... was she really so dense? How could I do this to her? I did nothing... she interrupted my life... everything was better and now it's like it just happened... What in the seven hells did I do to her? I did nothing...

"I have done nothing..."

She sniffled and wiped her eyes before laughing...

"You're such a bastard..."

I smiled then... how ironic... what's ironic? None of your damn business... besides... all will be told soon.

"Yeah... you're probably right..."

Kagome smiled and settled herself against the ground... looking up at him in a fond way, like a little sister. But that's what she was now... his little sister... He stared out into the park again... Damn the fates... damn her and damn the world... they all betrayed him... Now he knew why he was alone...

I was always alone... so long was it that I just presumed that it was meant to be... and then I belonged, for one split second I belonged... and then it slipped through my fingers... But I guess I should start from the beginning...

Hope ya'll like the new beginning! R&R!!