Faithless Love by Memories_Void
Chapter 1: Infatuation
Faithless Love
By: Memories Void
Disclaimer: The characters from Inuyasha were created by Rumiko Takahashi and I lay no claim to them.
Chapter 1: Infatuation
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She could feel the eyes of a predator watching her, hidden within the seemingly tranquil forest. Quietly it followed her every move with its gaze and though she could not see it she could feel it. The air held an almost electric charge that sent tingles up her spine, the feeling intensified with every step she took towards the tree line. Despite the disconcerting aura the girl continued her steady pace forward, never flinching or faltering in her steps.
In all actuality the scenery was beautiful, emerald leaves fluttered with the gentle breeze and displayed a few brightly colored birds perched on the branches of trees. To her left a dragonfly flew about hectically; but all this was seen from the corner of her eyes. Her gaze was to the west: into the heart of the forest where her feet were leading her.
Danger lurked within this forest, as it does with all forests. She had never been one to let danger deter her. Life, she knew, even at such a young age, was a fleeting thing. Life came and went as suddenly as the spring rains. Life for her would soon be over. Oh, she would breathe and move, think and feel and yet... that wasn't living. Living was what she had been doing this past year. Now, that was all over.
She sighed and looked wistfully into the clearing a few yards ahead of her. It was lovely, as always. Long swaying grasses dotted with a few flowers here and there. But all of that ceased to matter as her eyes surveyed the area and found the gaze of her silent stalker. The predator stood before her, watching her with a cool-distant expression on his face. His hair, long and silver, glittered in the afternoon light but was unruffled by the wind.
For a moment she stood still and willed time to do the same. What a perfect moment it was. Her eyes softened as she gazed at him, his high cheekbones accentuated by twin stripes, the proud set of his jaw, broad shoulders and an otherwise lean frame. The rapid beating of her heart let her know that time had not stopped. It reminded it would never stop for her. No, it continued its movement.
"I'm sorry, I guess I'm a bit late," she smiled sadly at him and took a few steps forward.
"Three days," he stated, waiting for her to come nearer.
She didn't. Nor did she speak. They stood there for a while in silence, he was studying her, wondering at her odd behavior while she avoided eye contact.
It was quite obvious to him that something was wrong. Though he was loathed to admit it, he worried about her. Three days had gone by without her presence and the worry had drove him to wait for her, as near to her home as he could approach without drawing suspicion. Now she refused to speak; hiding something from him, or perhaps not knowing how to speak her mind. It had never seemed like a problem for her before this. Usually he was trying to keep her silent, rather then coaxing her to speak.
Another sigh escaped her lips and she kneeled in the long grass, closing her eyes and turning her face to the sun.
"Today is my last day," she stated simply, as if that could answer all his unasked questions.
He waited for her to elaborate, but after a few minutes of more silence, he swallowed his irritation and thought further on the statement.
"You... are going to die? Has someone threatened your life?" his eyes narrowed dangerously and it took only a second for him to be standing directly above her. But his anger quickly dissipated when she shook her head and looked at him oddly.
"No, of course not. Who would care enough to take my life?" she asked, frowning down at her clasped hands. "That wasn't what I meant."
His jaw clenched, the only sign of his annoyance he allowed. The girl was not making any sense. That's not to say that she ever made much sense, but she had never before spoken in riddles as she was doing now.
She sighed again and glanced up at the demon through her thick bangs. Her eyes began to water as she thought about never seeing him again but she fought against the tears and sniffled just a bit.
It had been love at first sight for her. Or perhaps love at first sound? It was his voice she had heard first as she lay in the long grass of the very same field that she now sat in. 'Girl, what are you doing?' those were his first words to her and her heart had skipped a beat at the sound of his deep baritone voice. When she opened her eyes to look up at him the deal had been sealed. It was love, definitely. She had never liked Sesshoumaru. It had been love from the beginning.
As to how Sesshoumaru felt about her... Well, it was anyone's guess. His emotions never showed on his face and he most certainly never spoke of them. Even when he had spoken of the recent death of his father he had remained stoic. Still, he must feel some sort of fondness for her, why else would he have continued to meet her day after day for so many months? It no longer mattered because as she had stated, this was her last day.
"I'm being sent away," she whispered, watching as his right hand closed to form a fist.
One breath, two breaths, just as she was going to take the third she fell backwards under the weight of his body. His legs straddled hers, their chests were pressed firmly together and he buried his face in the space between her shoulder and neck. Tentatively, her arms went around him and she embraced him for the first time. The tears, which she had been fighting against, began to fall.
There was no time to comprehend what was happening, no time for her to blush or stutter because before she really realized what was happening he was kissing her. Soft, warm lips pressed against hers and she shuddered when his tongue entered her mouth. It was the feeling of his hands parting the opening of her kimono that awakened her from the dreamy daze she was in.
"Sesshoumaru, no!" she gasped, turning her head to the side. Away from him, away from those deep amber eyes, away from his tantalizing lips. She felt so far away from him despite the fact he was right above her.
'This could have been heaven,' she thought, 'If this had happened a month ago... a week ago... three days ago... It could have been my dream. If this had happened when I was myself. But now, I can't. I belong to someone else now.'
It was almost physically painful when he sat up and moved away from her, refusing to meet her gaze.
"You love me," he said with his usual confidence. It had been right; it had felt right--even to him. Then she had said 'no,' and he couldn't understand why.
Her long lashes brushed against her moist cheeks as she lay in the grass.
"Three days ago I met my husband," she explained in a hushed tone, deepened by despair. "It was arranged by my uncle a year ago but at the time I had asked him to wait. To give me a year to adjust because my parents had just died... and now... now my year is up and I'll be leaving in two days with the man who will be my husband."
"Kagome..." her name rolled smoothly off his tongue but she could not bear to look at him and so she kept her eyes shut, staring into the darkness of her eyelids. It was silent for a long minute and then he spoke again.
"I see," there was a brush of warm lips against her forehead and the sound of shuffling grass and then nothing-nothing but the call of a lonely bird that echoed in her ears for hours.
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The walk home was lonely and uneventful. Her heart had never felt so heavy, her life never so burdened. Not even with the death of her parents over a year ago. But there had still been hope then; hope that her life would turn into something wonderful. Even after meeting with her future husband there had been hope, the hope that she would be swept away from it all. The hope that the person she loved would want her and take her away to be with him. But that hope had died the moment he left that clearing.
When the estate of her uncle came into view Kagome took a deep-steadying breath before continuing through the gates. No doubt she would be reprimanded for sneaking out this morning. Would he be suspicious as to where she had been all day? It had never bothered him before if she went missing for a few hours each day. But now, she was under the care of someone else. Wouldn't her husband-to-be harbor suspicion as to where she had disappeared to?
'It really doesn't matter anymore,' she decided, 'I'll have the rest of my life to make it up to him whether I want to or not.'
The young woman sighed, looking down at her simple kimono. It was fine for venturing through the forest, but as dinner-wear it was unacceptable, so instead of going straight to the dining room she made a detour towards her own chambers. The house was unusually quiet and she didn't see any of the usual scurrying servants about. She was thankful to have a bit of solitude for the moment. Even the maid who usually loitered about her room was missing, along with most of her belongings. It had all been packed away apparently, being readied for her departure in a few days. The only things left were her futon and a single chest containing a few kimonos.
Seeing the scarce room struck a chord in her. Though she had thought that there were no more tears for her to cry, she once again felt a trail of moisture running down her cheek. There was no helping it; she threw herself dramatically onto her futon. The soft, worn cotton blanket she wrapped around her was nothing compared to the grief that felt like a tangible thing surrounding her. It would seem that dinner was out of the question. She really wasn't all that hungry anyways.
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It was dark out, the moon nothing but a sliver was hiding behind heavy gray clouds that matched his mood. Even from the balcony his youkai ears could pick up the soft-even breaths of the female currently sleeping on his futon. She had served as a distraction for a few hours, but it wasn't enough. Thoughts of her still plagued him. Sparkling sapphire eyes as deep as the sea haunted him every time his eyes closed and the sweet flowery scent of her raven hair still clung to him. Even as he had been panting and thrusting above the youkai female of his choice, the sound of her depressed voice lingered in his mind. Her name had come unbidden to his lips as he came, just a tiny whisper only he could hear. This would simply not do.
If he were to retain his sanity all thoughts of Kagome must be driven from his mind. She was nothing, just another human woman, just another distraction. Their time together had been pleasant, he reluctantly admitted to himself, but now it was over. He would harden his heart and move on, never to give thought to her again. It was best for the both of them that way.
Now all he had to do was think of a way to forget her. Apparently enjoying the company of other females was not effective. Nor was it in all actuality enjoyable. Not when the memory of the young human woman pressed against him, kissing and embracing him, was still etched into his memory...
Sesshoumaru groaned in frustration. Perhaps it was okay, just for tonight, to live in the past. So, he closed his eyes and remembered.
He recalled the first time he had stumbled upon her, laying in the grass with one dainty hand reaching out towards the sky. He recalled the excuse he had given himself when returning to meet her the next day, 'Just to make sure she is not trespassing on my lands again.' Then he remembered the way she looked after having fell into the river, her kimono clinging to her body, accentuating her feminine curves and how the sight made his blood boil. He had given her his haori to wear while her kimono dried and he recalled the admiration in her eyes as she gazed at his bare chest. But in the next moment her eyes had softened and he had known then, that she loved him. He had also known, instinctively, that her feelings were love and not just infatuation or lust. He remembered making the decision that her feelings were inconsequential and beneath him-All of this he remembered and more. Then, when he finally opened his eyes, the sun had begun to rise, painting the sky pink-and her soft scent had not left him. Neither had the unfamiliar ache in his chest, so he leapt off the balcony and ran further into the west--away from something that could possibly be called his weakness.
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'Stay calm. Breathe. Smile. Be polite. But most importantly, don't think about him.' It was a lost cause and Kagome knew it. Oh, everything but the last rule was easy enough to follow but it was the last one that made the other four difficult. She had awoken this morning with a headache and red eyes, gifts that her tears had left behind. But of course that did not excuse her from breakfast and a lecture from her uncle this morning. So as usual, a maid had come to wake her and make her ready for the morning meal.
Despite the utter futility of it, she repeated her own little set of rules in her head over and over again while walking towards the dining room. Gently, she slid the shouji screen open and entered the dining room, immediately going to her knees and bowing to the inhabitants.
"Good morning, uncle and Lord Hojou," she said, before standing and going to her place beside the man she would marry. He smiled at her, his brown eyes gentle and warm.
"Good morning Lady Kagome. We missed you at dinner last night. Are you feeling well?"
The question caught her off guard as she was about to take a sip of her miso soup and she found herself biting into her bottom lip to keep from crying. Beside her the young lord noticed how her back went stiff and a dazed look came over her eyes. Leaning towards her, he rubbed at her back soothingly.
"Are you alright? Perhaps you should go back to your room and rest," he suggested, his voice full of concern.
It took a moment but Kagome once again had herself under control and was thankful for Hojou's kindness. If nothing else, she knew he would never treat her badly. She would never love him, but in time she could grow to care for him. Perhaps she would be okay. Life would go on; even if at night she would always dream of silver hair and golden eyes.
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After the kindness Hojou had shown her during breakfast, Kagome did not have the heart to deny the young lord the presence of her company when he so politely asked for her to join him in a short walk around the gardens. His company was pleasant enough, and they made light conversation of many trivial matters.
As the morning sun continued to raise high into the sky and the day warmed, they decided to rest beneath a cherry-blossom tree. It was still too early for the flowers to bloom, but it at least offered an ample amount of shade. For a few moments they sat in comfortable silence, each caught up in their own thoughts.
Kagome shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts, beside her, Hojou cleared his throat and so she turned to look at him. Their gazes met over the scant foot of space between them and their movements stilled.
"Lady Kagome," the young man began, taking one of her hands between the both of his, "I want you to know that despite this being a marriage arranged by our guardians, that I will respect and honor you in all ways. I'm not quite sure how I feel about all this quite yet, but... I'm sure that we will get along well."
His words were kind and comforting in a way. But they were not enough. She found she had no words to reply and so she just nodded her head in understanding. Seeing this, Hojou smiled and motioned to a servant who stood a few yards away.
"I have something for you," he said, pointing towards another servant who was approaching them with a large bundle in his arms. The package was set before her and Kagome curiously peeled away the paper it was wrapped in.
A kimono. Three layers, one the plain white under-kimono, the next an airy blue color and the outer-kimono was a deep, rich blue.
"It matches your eyes," Hojou said and smiled, running a hand over the silk fabric, tracing the silver embroidery.
"It's beautiful," she whispered hoarsely. There were tears in her eyes because all she could think was that it would look magnificent if she were standing beside Sesshoumaru.
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Author's note: Be kind-Rewind... or review. Yeah, that second one.