Disclaimer: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz Media. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
One Case of Pocky
"Sesshoumaru! Oh Sesshoumaru, you have to - he's taken InuYasha - please, you must help - I swear I'll never fire an arrow at you or your armor again, never ever, but please, please come with me!"
Sesshoumaru marveled at the sheer quantity of words that his half-brother's wench had managed to spew out in a single breath. The girl had the audacity to address him so informally, after bursting through the trees and startling his entourage (aside from himself, of course) so much that Jaken had fainted and Rin had fallen off of Ah-Un, and expect him to aid her in her petty problems? Preposterous.
Still...
"Who has beaten the half-breed this time?" he asked, not really caring aside from a vague curiosity and a need to reaffirm to whoever the culprit was, later, that his half-brother's life belonged to this Sesshoumaru and none other.
The miko twisted her hands in anxiety, fairly hopping from foot to foot nervously. "He said his name was Count D, and he was wearing Chinese clothing and he looked human, but then all these weird youkai-like-animals attacked us all at once and this D person acted like it was all his doing and then- and then he took InuYasha!" she wailed, breaking into sobs.
An eyebrow raised. One from the mainland?
Perhaps he would pose a greater challenge than the spineless youkai indigenous to Japan.
"Take me to this 'Count D'," Sesshoumaru demanded, the strange words catching on his tongue slightly.
He could have gagged at the hopeful, ecstatic look on the girl's face.
"Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Sesshoumaru!" she babbled, taking his hand and practically dragging him along in her haste. "They're right this way - you'll see in a moment - we had so much trouble with him because we can't predict - ah, here we are!"
Sesshoumaru was very familiar with the phenomenon of the Asian effeminate face. He had one himself. This "D" character, though...
He hadn't been aware that it was possible for a male to look so feminine.
A challenge, indeed.
As Sesshoumaru and the annoying miko entered the clearing, he could hear the obscenities pouring out of his half-brother's mouth.
For once, Sesshoumaru couldn't blame him.
This "Count" was tweaking InuYasha's ears and making very uncomfortable high-pitched squealing noises, his strange animals keeping the half-breed immobilized. The girl, Kagome, wore an expression somewhere between fear, disgust and envy.
Glancing up from his molestation of InuYasha's ears, the Count's eyes lit upon Sesshoumaru.
The foreigner's previous squeals paled in comparison.
With a speed that even Sesshoumaru would have been hard pressed to match, Count D had his hands buried in Sesshoumaru's mokomoko-sama and was rubbing his face against it in ecstasy.
"Ooh, you are a magnificent animal! You would make such a fine pet to a would-be controlling dog-owner."
Something very close to revulsion flickered across Sesshoumaru's face.
"Remove your hands from my person or I will remove them for you."
The Count's mismatched eyes sparkled. "And bloodthirsty, too? I'm keeping you!"
"You most certainly are not," Sesshoumaru growled.
He would take great pleasure in severing the impudent foreigner's smiling head from his neck.
It was then that Sesshoumaru discovered he was incapable of movement. He tugged ineffectually at the constricting vines looped around his booted feet.
"Oh! Sesshoumaru! Count D seems to have mastery over the earth as well as animals!" Kagome called, a worried wrinkle between her brows.
Yes, I gathered that, stupid human.
Eyes narrowed, he bared his teeth and growled at the foreigner, who had retreated to a safe distance away from the taiyoukai's claws. "Release this Sesshoumaru."
Count D's smile widened. "No."
"Wait!"
Both captor and captive turned toward Kagome as she jogged toward them, her pack slung over her shoulder. "You can't just take him, Count D!" she argued, "He has to run the Western Lands and stuff!"
The Count's head tilted. "Either I take this magnificent animal or your puppy-eared friend, but I must have a Japanese youkai in my next shop," he said, "and I prefer this one."
Biting her lip, Kagome lowered her yellow bag to the ground. "Can I... buy him, then?"
Sesshoumaru snarled. Count D smiled.
"Let me draw up a contract."
---
Oh, the indignity...!
He, Sesshoumaru, the Great and Terrible Lord of the Western Lands, had been sold to a pathetic, whiny, pitiful girl.
For the price of one case of pocky.
If Count D ever crossed his path again, Sesshoumaru would have a new row of heads on pikes outside of his keep.
---
762 words.