I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters used in the story below. They belong to Takahashi Rumiko.
A/N: This was a piece I wrote sometime back and didn’t manage to post because I found it lacking in certain aspects. But here it is, revised and uploaded. I hope you like it, even if it might tug heavily on heartstrings, and perhaps, drop a review to let me know how you feel.
This story was inspired by GReeeeN’s “Kiseki”. It is an amazing song, and the lyrics are what prompted me to write this.
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The way the ice cubes floated in the clear liquid was oddly fascinating as the dim lights of the pub’s interior gleamed off them. Sesshoumaru gave his glass a gentle shake, eliciting a chorus of clinks as ice hit glass, before lifting it to his lips and tipping it back. The smooth and icy shochu wine slid down his throat, leaving a trail of burning sensations behind with the twenty five per cent alcohol it contained.
The burning trail continued southwards to his middle, and he set the glass down with a satisfied yet lonely exhale. He was alone, surrounded by people, in a pub at night in the Roppongi district. Everyone around him was laughing, cheering or getting rowdy in groups. He was practically the physical epitome of a lonely man, with his tie loosened, top shirt buttons undone and his blazer thrown carelessly over the back of the chair he was in. A silent cell phone lay by his clenched fist, providing a form of quiet solace. He had turned it off.
“Another glass, please.” He called out to the bartender, leaning his head heavily on his propped up arm to avoid the unreadable gazes of the people around him.
Merry laughter came from beside him, and he casually inclined his head in the direction of the voices. A young lady was laughing away with her hand placed over her mouth as the man with her continued talking animatedly, presumably telling her a joke. Subtly, the man’s hand covered the lady’s other hand, which was placed on the bar top. She made no move to shake his apprehensive attempt off, and the next second, both shared a smile that spoke of the little romantic secret between the two of them.
It reminded him of the times when they used to be like that. He used to be able to tell her everything, and by that, he really meant everything. Opening up to others was not something that came easily to him, but when he was with her, he could talk about everything. Be it funny things like his childhood experiences, sad things like his parents’ divorce and his father’s subsequent passing, happy things like advancements in career…there was basically nothing he could not tell Higurashi Kagome.
But now, as the silver band on his ring finger glistened in the lightings of the pub and a matching one glistened on her finger in the TV’s lights in their Shinagawa home, Sesshoumaru found it difficult to face her.
Somehow, as time passed them by, there are more and more things he could not bring himself to tell her. The closer they got, the further he drifted. It was funny how just four years ago, they were like the couple beside him, laughing and talking about anything under the sun. There were no expectations or judgments; they were purely getting to know each other.
But now, after he got married to the girl of his dreams, he was finding it hard to talk to her about his problems. It wasn’t as if he had stopped loving her and was in the stage of potentially cheating on her. Rather, it was because the closer he got to her, the more important she became to him and the more he could not bear to see her upset in any way.
He took another long drain of the shochu wine, feeling the burning liquid ice send another warm flush up his neck to his face. He did not even know what to do or where to go from now.
Takahashi Sesshoumaru had lost his job.
He had taken full responsibility for a mistake made by the department he was heading and quit his job. It might have involved impulse, but as he was walking out of the company building for the last time, questions were racing through his head.
Kagome’s face was in all his thoughts.
She dominated his thoughts as he made his way from Ginza to Roppongi via the subway in a daze. There were so many thoughts going through his mind; he did not know which one to begin with. Of course, one of the most pressing ones was ‘How am I going to tell her I lost my job?’
Also, Kagome was two months pregnant with their child.
What was he going to do? She will be so disappointed in him and uncertain of the future because he had not proven to be promising and dependable. He felt regret eat at him; perhaps he should have groveled and begged them to take him back, but his pride would never allow it.
He recalled the amazing smile she always wore on her face, the one he fell in love with ever since he got to know her through her cousin Kikyou, who was also his ex-classmate from college. Every little thing she did was beautiful to him; from the way she waved brightly to him every time they met up to the way she shed tears over sad romance movies or documentaries of puppies and kittens. A half-smile curled his lips when he revisited the memory of him confessing his feelings to her. They had been in the stage whereby both had secretly acknowledged the budding feelings, but neither had made any move to come clean with the emotions.
So as she presented him with the cookies she had made, and asked if he liked the taste, he finally plucked up his courage to tell her that he would never tire of eating these cookies. And ‘if possible, I want to eat them forever.’
That was what got them started on the miracle known as their relationship.
Every time he held her hand in hers, feeling their combined warmth in that almost non-existent space between the two palms, Sesshoumaru made a silent vow to make her happy always. The days accumulated between them, and so did the feelings and love. From the blushing, awkward dates which involved cutesy activities like shopping for matching couple cell phone straps, taking photo stickers in the purikura booths, sharing ice cream parfaits and assembling jigsaw puzzles, they progressed.
The relationship went further into one where they could simply allow each other to know how the other was feeling by a gaze or a nod, and words gradually became redundant. From romantic, fluffy fun, they went on into a stage where commitment and promise for a future became priority. Lying on the couch, looking into each others’ eyes as the forgotten movie continued on the TV screen replaced the times when they would go to Disneyland and wear matching Mickey and Minnie ears on their heads.
There was no doubt with regards to the partner they had each chosen, but Sesshoumaru could feel the growing duties on his shoulder. He loved Kagome wholeheartedly, and he wanted only the best for her. Nothing else would do, and he lost count of the number of times he inwardly promised to give her a good life.
He missed the stage where simply being together was enough to brighten his darkest days, and that was when he had once dared to assume that as long as they had each other, everything would be alright. The future was nothing but a sunny, beautiful path adorned with the most perfect things, and it will be the path along which he will walk with her. Hand in hand, they could go everywhere, anywhere.
There was once when he told her upon being newly married, “I will love you more tomorrow than today, and right now, I already love you so much; I cannot put it into words.”
Kagome had smiled blissfully and nodded in understanding, unable to fight the blush which stained her cheeks.
He had continued, “I will make you smile more tomorrow than today. So for the next ten years, hundred years, or a thousand years…let’s always be together.”
She had laughed and asked if he would still love her if she resembled a wrinkly prune, but he knew she was very touched by his words, for there were tears glistening in her eyes.
It was this heartfelt promise to her that supported him through the toughest times at work, even when his superior, the spoilt and bratty son of their aged CEO, was making life difficult for the department heads like himself. He was not the only one who was making sacrifices in the relationship either; Kagome insisted on working as well to lighten his burden and there were many nights when she had to have dinner alone in an empty home because he had to work overtime.
Life, to put it simply, was not a bed of roses, but they were a rich couple. Not monetarily, though they were perhaps in the upper middle class, but in terms of love and happiness. Love was something they never lacked, and Kagome was always there for him, and she was the only one around whom he could be himself. She would always welcome him with wide open arms, and never would she make him feel judged or inadequate.
But this time round, he did not know how to face her. The more important she was to him, the harder he found it to talk to her. Sesshoumaru wasn’t quite sure if he could bear to see her crestfallen face; in fact, any trace of disappointment on her face would crush him. He could not help but think if she would be upset with him or…perhaps, regret marrying him. It almost killed him to even think of that, and he knocked back the glass of alcohol in his hand again. The sudden loss of his job meant uncertainty for her future, and also that of their unborn child. He was a useless excuse of a husband and a potential father.
He would not be living up to her expectations, and he would only be disappointing her with how much of a failure he was.
Placing the empty glass back on the bar top and hearing the lonely clink of ice cubes against the chilled glass, Sesshoumaru mentally counted the number of empty glasses lined up in front of him. There were seven of them, and suddenly, he did not know if the alcohol had helped him in the least. The more he drank, the more sober he became, and the more magnified his problems seemed. This pub was not exactly inexpensive, and every glass cost him a good six hundred yen.
His selfish drinking spree in a pub alone on a weekday night while his beloved wife sat alone in their apartment in front of the TV set him back by a good four thousand two hundred yen. If they used it sparingly, that amount of money could feed the two of them for a good five days.
This mental calculation made him feel even worse.
Regretfully, he paid for his drinks, grabbed his blazer and walked out of the smoky, air-conditioned interior of the pub into the warm early summer night air. If he didn’t walk fast enough, he might miss the last train home, and he would have to take a taxi. That would be unnecessary expenditure.
The sounds of young hostesses soliciting customers could be heard from along the street, and there were also male hostesses dressed in suits lined up along the sidewalk, trying to invite single ladies into the pubs and clubs they worked for. Kagome would be upset to know he had come drinking by himself; she did not usually probe into his privacy, and he had the liberty of going out with his friends whenever he wanted to, but if she knew he had been here… But well, he could never hide forever. He had to go home.
Sesshoumaru suppressed a sigh and continued walking forward in his silent, dazed state, until a figure blocking his path forced him to stop in his path.
“Excuse me…” He muttered, before trying to sidestep the person when she refused to budge.
“…do you have any idea how worried I was?”
His head snapped up in surprise and all the effects of the alcohol he had consumed earlier dissipated when he saw a face he hated to see. It was none other than Kagome, and she was not wearing the smile he loved. Her face was frozen in an expression of disappointment, hurt and those bright, sparkling eyes of hers were brimming with a layer of tears.
Sesshoumaru exhaled and bit his lower lip before reaching out to hold her hand in his. She fought his grip, but he held on firmly till she relaxed.
“Kagome, listen…I…”
“Lost your job.” She completed his sentence for him, her eyes not leaving his for a second. “I’ve heard about it from Miroku. I had to call him up and ask him for your whereabouts, and it was only when he realized I was going crazy from worry did he reveal that you’ve lost your job, and you were probably in the Roppongi entertainment district.”
He swallowed and evaded her gaze. The humiliation of the situation and the pain radiating off Kagome was too much for him to bear. “I am sorry.”
“What are you sorry for, Sesshoumaru?”
His hand reached up to cup her cheek tenderly, brushing a lock of hair away from her face before tucking it behind her ear. “I should have kept my cool and thought of an alternative…I shouldn’t have lost my job, especially when you are pregnant…I will disappoint you because I couldn’t keep my promise-”
“No.” Kagome’s voice was firm, but it softened. “That is not what you should be sorry for.”
“Miroku explained everything to me. You never once told me work was so tough, you never mentioned that the CEO’s son was making life at work miserable for you members of the senior management. What you did was right, Sesshoumaru. I would have advised you to do the same.” She continued. “What I believe I deserve an apology for is how you didn’t believe in me. You underestimated me, Sesshoumaru.”
“I promised to make you happy, Kagome…but now…”
“And escaping like that makes me happy? Do you honestly think so? I am not upset with you for losing the job, Sesshoumaru. It is merely a job, and I believe you can definitely find better. I am prepared to suffer with you if I have to; I did not marry you expecting to lead a life of extravagant riches. I was so sad and worried because suddenly, I felt as if you don’t trust me anymore. You used to tell me everything. You lost a job, but you can get one again. But if I lost you, I won’t have anything left…”
“I am sorry…” He pulled her into a tight embrace, and she instantly wrapped her arms around him as well.
Kagome felt the first tear of the night escape her eyes and she whispered, “Don’t disappear on me again, alright? We are still on the journey towards our future which would extend into the next ten years, hundred years or a thousand years…we will do it together, all three of us. Me plus you plus it.”
He slowly released her from his embrace and gently placed his palm against her flat abdomen where their child was growing.
“Yes, three of us.”
Then together, hand in hand, as they walked to the train station which would bring them home, both Sesshoumaru and Kagome knew their relationship had grown stronger after this incident. Of course, uncertainties still existed, but as long as they were together, everything would be alright.
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The End.