Cybernetic Mishap: Nara to the Kuprise
By: Aki_Yume
Synopsis: A parody oneshot/drabble, Nara to the Ku has a Kuprise for Sesshoumaru. <3
Aki’s Note: This is for Saide, Oroyukae, Angelicatt, UtterChaos247, Hoshi Phoenix, Inkasha Taisho, all of my reviewers/”fans”, and especially RayRay, I love you all. :)
This story does NOT take place in the actual CM story line, it’s just a little AUish parodyish... oneshot. xP
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“I really don’t understand the mechanics to this game,” Sesshoumaru looked up from his Player’s Handbook and quirked and eyebrow at his (finally!!!) girlfriend. Kagome’s expressive eyes read many emotions, confused and irritated topped them all. “How do you roll for stats?”
“Oh,” Sesshoumaru smiled timidly and picked up his shiny, crystal d-6 and rolled it once. Pleased to see it landed on six shiny silver dots, Sesshoumaru picked up his mechanical pencil and wrote down a neat ‘six’ on a piece of pristine paper in his college rule notebook. “That isn’t hard to explain, here, you see how I’ve rolled a six?”
“Well duh,” Kagome stuck her tongue out at him, eliciting a spark of excitement in the older teenager’s stomach. “I can read a dice, Sessho-baby.”
Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes playfully and let out a bucket full of chuckles. A small hitch in his breathing informed him he needed to take a hit off Tasuki, his glorious inhaler.
“Are you okay, Sessho-kun?” Sesshoumaru stared at Kagome as he shook the small white medical breathing device.
“Yes,” He answered while attempting to control his incessant wheezing. “Just asthma acting up.”
Kagome nodded her head and continued staring at her half-blank character sheet. She was really excited that Sesshoumaru had invited her to his group along with Naraku, Bankotsu, and a few other guys from their class, Nekozawa and Hiei. It was just, she’d number one be the only girl present, and number two, she had... no idea how to play. Unlike most normal couples, they’d spent almost all of first few days as a new couple going over all the rules to DnD, and so far, Kagome was having a blast. Being normal? Overrated.
Sesshoumaru pressed down on the tube when he had it in his mouth, breathing in the steroid medicine for his lungs. He shook his head and replaced the plastic item back into his pocket, thankful they were at his house instead of hers; he didn’t want an Epipen repeat of disaster.
“You’re getting your re-fill for that today after group, right?” Once again disturbed from his thoughts, Sesshoumaru nodded in agreement.
“Yes,” He replied. “I will. As long as ‘Nara to the Ku’ doesn’t drag out gameplay.”
The handsome young man used air commas to emphasize his best friend’s very strange nickname.
“I SO do NOT drag out game play!” The sudden voice in the room was shrill and high, almost making Sesshoumaru cringe. There was only so much of Naraku’s screeching he could take in one day, and his ears were feeling especially sensitive. Kagome shook her head and almost plugged her ears to shield her against Naraku’s Raging Shriek, totally meant to do -12 damage to willpower, but Kagome was not going to fall for that.
The two of them turned around to face their friend, and wanted to claw their own eyes out with dull dwarven magical substance laced daggers.
Nara to the Ku stood before them in what couldn’t be anything but a fashion nightmare. Against his ultra alabaster skin was a headache worthy highlighter yellow tank top, with hand written letters spelling out, “Relax, Don’t Do It!” Black, torn up fishnet stockings adorned his arms and legs, making him look like a transvestite mummy who was heavily into eighties techno, and to top is all off; a short, hot pink, fluffy tutu.
Sesshoumaru felt like dying at that moment.
Kagome wanted to call Satan and ask for her soul back.
“I TOLD you I’d come over in this outfit!” Naraku smiled and dropped two large plastic bags on the table before launching himself into Sesshoumaru’s (not) waiting lap. He wrapped his arms around the petrified straight man as he planted a huge, wet kiss on his cheek.
“Never do that again, Naraku.” Sesshoumaru growled through gritted teeth.
“Don’t listen to him, Naraku!” Kagome put in her two cents. “Do him! DO HIM!”
Naraku laughed at his friend, and mentally swore he could see the “:3” face decorating her features. Of course, pissing off his DM right before a round wasn’t good; Sesshoumaru might not have believed in metagaming, but there was only so much sanity he had.
“Why, thank you for your support, Kago-hunny!” He smiled brightly and pointed to the bags. “There’s lunch! I went to the Pedro’s for it.”
“Burritos!” Kagome squealed and dove right into the horde and easily chased the deliciousness meant for her mouth right out of the bag and practically ripped open the packaging separating her from her beloved Mexican. Food, that is.
“Om nom nom!” Her commentary as she ate didn’t go unnoticed by her new boyfriend, who chuckled and ruffled her hair with his left hand, the right taken with writing down some numbers.
“E-enjoying th-that?” He asked quietly, accidentally slipping back into his old habit of stuttering and hushed speaking tones. Kagome sent him a mock glare before waving her one bite taken log of glory in his face.
“Have a bit!” She proclaimed, knowing he’d comply because it was good food, damn it, and good food should be eaten. Without looking up from the book he was attempting to read a bit of, Sesshoumaru took a huge bite and chewed. Not really tasting anything, he swallowed the mouthful of burrito in hopes he’s sooner be trying his “California” Burrito soon.
“Sesshoumaru!” Naraku shouted in alarm, his high pitch tone not a joke this time.
The silver haired boy glanced up, and meant to say, “What?”, but no sound came out of his closing throat.
“Kagome asked for a Shrimp Burrito!” He yelled and immediately started fanning his friend who was bending over in agony, scratching at his throat in an attempt to open it back up; an attempt that was rather fruitless. Kagome shrieked and immediately scrounged around for that.. Epi.... thingie... Epi...pen! That’s it! Epipen! There wasn’t one in the briefcase he kept next to his bed, and precious seconds ticked by.
Overwhelmed by the throbbing pain his allergy was the cause of, the poor man found himself hunched over, praying they’d find a pen fast. Naraku ceased his attempts at getting Sesshoumaru air and rushed to aid Kagome in her search for an Epipen.
“Where the fuck do you keep them, baby?!” Kagome shouted at the poor boy now sliding off his chair in utter agony. A shaky hand pointed to his desk, and the panicking duo crashed right into each other in an attempt to reach his desk. They practically turned it upside down in two seconds flat, and Kagome was the one to find two Epipens in his drawer.
“Okay!” She grabbed the tip of one and pulled up Sesshoumaru’s argyle sleeve. Knowing she’d do better then last time, the raven haired girl stabbed the item into his arm, not understanding why it wouldn’t work like it had for Sesshoumaru a few weeks prior to the present predicament.
“Higurashi!” Naraku shouted. “You have to pull off the gray cap!”
In once swift moment, Naraku had commandeered the pen from her, and pulled off the little gray top before sticking his best friend in the inner thigh with it. Ten seconds of counting and rubbing later, the poor teenager was on his feet again.
“Thank you,” He said between gasps of air. “Very much, you two.”
“Thank God I was here,” Naraku laughed and settled his hands on his hips. “You need to teach your girl how to stick you, you would’ve been dead as a doornail. Oh, and before I forget, you need to change your sheets, and lock your door before you leave to spend the night having scandalous sex with your girlfriend at her place.”
“Why would I need to lock my...?” The realization dawned on Sesshoumaru as he put two and two together and realized how much the gay man loved to drink. He, however, was beaten to the reaction.
“Fuck you, Nara to the Ku,” Kagome huffed, throwing a pillow from the nearby couch into the... bright man’s face. Picking up the discarded used Epipen, Kagome waved it in the brash teen’s face, trying to make a point out of it. “And you are such an asshole. Making fun of me; I don’t know how to use this!”
Naraku giggled out loud, clutching his stomach out of the sheer hilarity of the situation.
“That’s what HE said!” And with that, a swift knock to the head drove Naraku to unconsciousness. Without another word, the flamboyantly gay man fell to the floor of Sesshoumaru’s bedroom.
“That’s NOT what he said,” Sesshoumaru glared at Naraku’s less-than awake form and stepped over his new rug. “Where were we?”
Kagome’s left hand covered her mouth to stifle the laughter that begged to be released into the world; for any sign that Naraku had made her day... Her boy didn’t need to know that. She was slightly shocked that, after just coming out of practically choking to death, her nerdy boy was ready to keep preparing for group, despite his rather hoarse voice.
“We...” She trailed off, checking her Character Sheet. “Were about to go over what the fuck an Armor Class is.”
“Ah,” Nerd man nodded and adjusted his black rimmed glasses to better sit on his nose before sitting back on the table, asthma and allergy attack now over and forgotten. “That’s right. But before I go into Armor Class, I need to make a note for myself before I forget.”
“I highly doubt you’ll forget whatever it is,” Kagome smiled and shook her head, rolling for the rest of her status points. “But what do you need to remind yourself of, Sessho-baby?”
Sesshoumaru sighed and shook his head before cracking open his Player’s Handbook once more, for Kagome’s sake rather than his, “I’ve read this book so many times I’ve almost committed it to memory” own. He jotted down a scribbled note to himself in the now slightly used notebook paper.
“I need to stock up on more Epipens.” He smirked at his girlfriend before blowing her a kiss and going back to his book, embarrassment clouding his mind like a thousand kobalds all over his junk.
With a red tinge to Kagome’s cheeks, the nerd and his nerdette delved deeper into their little world of Dungeons and Dragons, creating a character for Kagome that would kick some serious dragon ass.
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Aki’s Note: I thought it was a funny little snippet to write. xD I wrote a fanfic about my fanfic. Awesome. XP Hope you thought it was funny/cute. XD This time... ‘twas once again a three in the morning, “I’m writing this during loading times and dialogue during DA:O” piece. xP